Sponsor me in the 2005 MS Walk! Why? Read here.
My right thigh is frozen.
No. Really.
Saturday night, Diana and I brought two tables out of the basement to set up for Easter dinner. We had to take them out through the bulkhead, because they wouldn�t fit through the regular staircase. The bulkhead stairs are steep. The second table didn�t fold. Diana went first, and lost her hold when she was almost at the top. The table crashed into my right thigh, leaving behind the mother of all bruises.
Today, you can see it through my dark grey tights. It�s ugly.
It�s also right in that spot on my leg. You know, that spot. The one that you always manage to hit, over and over and over?
I just whacked it again. Really, really hard. Hard enough to make my whole leg throb in a really ugly way. Ann, hearing the bad words float over the top of my cubicle, brought me an ice pack. So now, my leg isn�t throbbing any more. It can�t. It�s frozen.
This is an improvement.
So�
Chocolate cream Oreos. On sale at CVS this week in the little 8-cookie pack. I love them. In a really bad way. I must admit, though, I threw the top cookies away and constructed several double stuff chocolate cream Oreos. Mmmmm�Yummy!
My plans for the evening have been canceled. This makes me way too happy. Not that I wasn�t looking forward to them, but it means I get two nights at home this week, which is a good thing.
I�ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of days. Well, several days. Since I hit my low point on Friday night. I got home from work in the early afternoon (I came in for a meeting) and started cleaning house. Mom left at four to go see Doc Watson with her friend Kathy. I...just...stayed home. I was supposed to go back into JP to see Phil's band play. I just didn't leave the house. The thought of going anywhere was just too much. I couldn't talk to anyone, couldn't have a conversation, couldn't manage to get past the edge of the couch.
Saturday morning, I left the house to go to the grocery store. By the time I got home, I was on edge and angry. I didn't leave my mom�s again until Monday morning, when I came to work.
This is not a good way to live. And I didn�t realize, truly, that I�d hit this point until now. People keep saying, �Jennifer, how are you?� and I�ve continued to say that I�m fine, but I really haven�t been fine. I�ve been a wreck without any kind of control in my life.
But that�s got to stop.
Today, I called the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) here at the hospital. They offer free short-term counseling and referrals. I�m waiting now for a call back from one of their counselors.
Like I told Carla, baby steps toward being okay.
Because I will get there. Eventually, I will tell someone I�m fine, and really mean it.
In the meantime, I celebrate my little victories. Like giving myself permission to reschedule my completely nonemergent dermatology appointment for tomorrow because getting there on time was causing me stress. Like the fact that Donna thanked me today for my hard work. Like my refusal to reschedule my evening and my choice to just let myself relax a little.
These are all good things.
Instead, I will clean my room and watch Felicity. Hey, there are only about six episodes left. Ever. I need to get in my Ben fix while I can!
---------------------------------------------
Something to say about this entry?
Add your comments here (0 people have spoken already)
< In the movies, when the phone does that, the killer is always already in the house | Immunity Challenge #3 >
