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I really shouldn't mess with my HTML. I don't know what I'm doing well enough to not make everything look all screwy. So I apologize to anyone who's getting a headache from trying to read this. I didn't mean it! And I'm going to get some help to fix it. Though I'm not sure exactly what I did...
I actually had a nice dinner with Damon last night, despite the part where we had the "non-conversation" about the other night. Non�con�ver�sa�tion: n a conversation in which both parties talk around the subject they want to discuss instead of actually talking about it.
He acknowledged that he's continued to have "romantic intentions" toward me since last year. We both acknowledged that I have no intention on acting on them. Then we made fun of the terrible waitress and the obnoxious man in front of us and listened to the band. 'Nuff said.
As I came through the door from the T station, my phone was ringing. The Boyfriend was on his way to bed and figured he'd try me first. I asked him to hold on so I could take my coat off. I may have sounded a little defensive, but I was all out of breath and literally still dressed for the 12 degree weather outside. He sounded hurt. Then he started giving me the third degree about my evening. I know this has to be weird for him, my being out with Damon and all, but it's not like I'm conducting some clandestine tryst with him...I felt rather attacked, and tried to just end the conversation, but he just would not let it go. By the time we hung up, I was annoyed all over again.
I came into work today and checked my other email account. There were three messages from the Artboy. One was titled "Bush Celebrates" and contained a big picture of a smiling George Dubya with a bong in his hands. The second was an obscene joke. The third was an actual message, saying much and nothing at all. It made me smile and feel like perhaps at the end of all this, everything will be okay.
I love the Artboy. I also know that the Artboy and I don't belong together. We're a terrible couple. Sometimes, love really isn't enough. But that doesn't mean I want him to vanish from my life. When he and I are speaking, I get along much better.
I love the Boyfriend. Being with him makes me happy. But I'm not ready to plan a wedding. Not because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm just not quite ready to move into that stage of my life yet. When I am, it's him I want to be with, but I'm not there today.
Realizing all of this made me much less cranky.
Though now I feel like I owe the Boyfriend an apology.
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