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Ah, D-land, Jennifer should be in bed, but instead I'm sitting here, writing to y'all. I'll hate myself in the morning, but for now, it's all good.
Twiggle is my new best friend. She noticed my extreme lack of HTML aptitude, and created a new look for my diary page. It's not up yet as I'm posting this, but if it suddenly changes soon, she's to thank for that. Thanks, Twiggle. You have my undying devotion now!
So I've been very down all weekend, truthfully. I kept coming up with silly reasons, until the Boyfriend finally said, "Jennifer, you've just gone through a majorly traumatic experience. Of course you aren't feeling like yourself. You miss your grandmother." Funny how I needed someone else to spell it out for me like that. He's right. I'm sad. I miss my grandmother. It hits me at strange moments. Thursday, I was looking for something in my "card box" (I know some of you have those--a box full of cards I've bought either specifically to save for someone or to have on hand for those times when you need a birthday card right now, thank you cards that come in boxes, stationery your aunt gave you for Christmas three years ago--stuff like that), and I found a birthday card, a Grandparents Day card and a valentine that I'd bought for her and then put away to send later. Now there won't be a later, and I feel really cheated by that. I just put the cards back. I don't know what else to do with them.
Anyway, beyond all that...I rearranged my bedroom yesterday. Something I do several times each year, it seems. I like the way it's set up now, though. Very comfortable and very clean. It's a good place to be now. Safe.
We were supposed to meet my cousins for brunch at Dick's Last Resort today, but Di never called me. I left a message for her on Thursday, another on Friday and two yesterday. Nothing. I called her sister and left a message there. Nothing. This morning, the Boyfriend and I went to get breakfast anyway (still needed to eat, you know?). Di called while we were out. Chris told her we'd gone for breakfast, then said to me, "I should have told her you'd gone to Dick's!" My mom told me later that my aunt was expecting all the cousins for lunch today, as my uncle is not doing well at all since the funeral. That's fine. It's important that they be with their dad, and I totally understand that. But she should have called me and told me we weren't going. That's just rude.
I still haven't posted my Jordan's Furniture story. Sometimes I'm afraid that writing all this stuff out just keeps it in my head. Then, though, I acknowledge, too, that writing it down also separates me from it a little bit. I don't know. I'm sure I'll do it eventually. I'm just not ready yet, I guess. Too much other stuff rolling around in my head. Sometimes, I really wish I could just shut my brain off, just for a little while. A "pause" button for my thought process. Is that too much to ask?
I almost bought a Hello Kitty cordless phone at Target today. It made me happy. The Boyfriend discouraged me. He thought it seemed like a cheap phone. I didn't care. I smiled when I saw it. I shouldn't have let him influence my decision. Anyone want to take a trip to Target? I have a phone to buy.
Off to bed. Sleep tight, Diaryland.
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