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(The reason I�m collecting pledges)
Having a difficult afternoon. I actually started off this morning crying. I got up early to do some my laundry, as the Boyfriend plans to stay at my house tonight, and I wanted to be sure he had clothes to wear to work tomorrow. I was standing in front of the dryer, folding my light load, when I pulled out the pajamas Nana gave to me for Christmas.
She bought them through some mail order company. They aren�t something I would ever have chosen for myself, very pink and girly, but they�re the softest clothes I own, and I love them regardless of their pastel colors. The first time I wore them, I called her to tell her how much I loved them and how comfortable they are. My phone call made her cry.
I was folding them, thinking about Christmas, and how amazing it was that she came to my mom�s for the night, and that we got to spend it together like we did. Mom, David and I gave her real gifts, gifts that showed we thought (hoped) she�d be here for a long time. The locket Mom and I agonized over picking out, with Papa�s pictures inside. A �Welcome� sign for her kitchen, decorated with irises. A Boyd�s Bears snow globe for her Christmas decoration collection. The stupid Healing Angel I hunted for. Never once, while we were shopping, did it occur to me that she�d only have another month.
Christmas wasn�t that long ago. She was good that day, and happy. I don�t know if she knew (thought) it would be her last Christmas with us, but if she did, she didn�t let on. It was a day of hope.
It�s hard for me to believe that I�m sitting here on March 14 and that she�s been gone now for over six weeks. That she�s really and truly gone. That if I call her house, I�ll get Diana instead of her.
The weekend we were up there, the weekend of the Month�s Mind Mass, I walked into the house and forgot that she wouldn�t be in the kitchen.
Last Saturday, the Boyfriend and I walked into a card store in Toronto, looking for a birthday card for Judy. I found a neat card with teacups on the front of it and picked it up to buy for Nana without even thinking. I was halfway to the register before I realized I couldn�t send it.
Mom got a card in the mail today from my cousin Judy. Just after New Year�s, Mom, Nana and I went to a memorial service for Judy�s mother-in-law. While we were up there visiting after the service, Judy�s daughter Donna asked if I would take a picture of her with Judy, my mom and Nana. Judy mailed Mom a copy of the photo today. It�s the last picture anyone took of Nana. Mom says she looks happy in it.
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