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SO many things running through my head today.
The first IC was hard. Immediately after I posted it, I wanted to go in and edit. Milkmaid, I realized this morning that through bad editing, I had inadvertently given you a �deep voice.� I�m going to fix at least that part�Sorry, about that�
Anyway�It�s been a very up-and-down couple of days.
When I was young, my grandparents had a juke box in their basement. We�d sit downstairs and play records on it for hours, dancing, playing ping pong, having a good time.
My grandparents sold the juke box when I was in my early teens. The grandchildren were all heartbroken.
I asked my grandmother once, years later, why they�d sold it when they so obviously enjoyed it. She told me that she and my grandfather would rather see it gone than have their family fight over it once they were dead.
Another time, my mom told me a story about my grandfather. He�d been in the plumbing business for years before he was made the plumbing inspector in Beverly. Once that became his full-time job, he closed his own private business. There were a few people on the books who owed him money, and had for a while. When he was pressed by the people around him to go after the dollars, he smiled and shook his head. �It�s not worth it,� he said, �I bought them cheap.�
He knew they�d have to live with themselves, knowing they�d dealt with him wrongly, forever. His conscience was clear.
When my grandmother died, her will named my mother executrix of the estate.
The process of cleaning out and selling the house has been a slow and painful one. It�s hard to let go.
Last Friday, Mom and I went up to do the last of it in preparation for the closing, which was scheduled for tomorrow. The Boyfriend and his friend Kirk met us up there with Kirk�s truck to bring the last pieces of furniture home. Mom had had a run-in with my Uncle Bobby earlier in the week, a misunderstanding about some legal point of the sale, and asked the Boyfriend and me if we�d stop at my uncle�s workplace to have him sign some paperwork from her lawyer that was needed for the closing.
I called him to get directions just before we left. He said, �Well, Jay, don�t waste your time coming down, because I�m not going to sign those papers. I�m not signing anything.� He hung up in my ear.
We were stunned. Without the paperwork, the sale wouldn�t go through. His behavior was inexplicable. We truly had no idea what to do.
We called Sue, the real estate agent. The one we thought was so terrible. She was wonderful with us on the phone. Turns out the problem has been much more my uncle all along.
She had Mom drop the paperwork off at her office, hoping she could reason with Bobby and get him to sign in time to still make the closing happen. Mom spent the rest of Friday looking deflated and confused.
We expected to find a message from someone�my uncle, the real estate agent, Jim (the lawyer)�someone�on the machine when we got back from New York. There was nothing.
Tuesday, she called me after lunch, sounding shaken. �I just talked to Jim. Uncle Bobby has hired a lawyer, and says that if I don�t sign the paperwork to make him [the lawyer] executor of the will, he�s taking me to court.�
It just didn�t make sense.
I called my Uncle Bill, my mom�s other brother. He�d heard from Bobby the day before, and this was, in fact, true. My uncle was prepared to sue my mother for control of my grandmother�s estate. I told Bill that Mom didn�t know what to do. He said that he was trying to remain unbiased. These are his siblings, and he didn�t want to make things worse. He then said, �Jennifer, if I were your mom, I�d let Bobby do it. Just let him take control. He�s not going to back down, and I don�t want to see them face off in court.�
He went on. �My mother wouldn�t have wanted this. Not at all. And if Mum was right, and after we die, we�re met by our loved ones who went before us, I don�t want her first words to me to be �shame on you.� Family is more important than money.�
I don�t think he quite understands that my mom feels (and I don�t disagree with her) that Bobby already made that choice, and he made the wrong one.
Tuesday night, I met Mom and the Boyfriend after work to go to this year�s Hasty Pudding Theater production. The Boyfriend arrived last, so I had a few minutes to talk to her. I asked if she�d spoken to Jim again, if she�d made any decision.
�Well, I thought for a long time, and ended up asking myself one important question�what would my father do? So I called Jim back, and told him to tell the lawyer to go ahead and do what Bobby wanted.� She smiled wanly. �Bought him cheap, Jennifer.�
She added, �I was going to tell the lawyer that I�d go along with him on the condition that he gave Bobby a message. I wanted him to tell Bobby that I�d lost the two most important men in my life in the course of seven weeks. But I didn�t. Because Papa wouldn�t have done that, and I didn�t want to do anything that would make my parents ashamed.�
I am so angry with and hurt by and confused about my uncle�s behavior, I don�t even know what else to say. But my poor mom�
I was looking at her across the table in Harvard Square, thinking that this isn�t the way things were supposed to go. Her father is gone. Her mother is gone. Her husband is gone. I�m all she has left, immediate family-wise, and that isn�t fair. I feel incredibly inadequate to fill all those shoes. And yet, I have to find a way.
Two or three days after David died, in the first few moments we�d had alone in the house, she looked at me and said, �Well, Jennifer, it�s just you and me again, kiddo.�
It�s just not right.
Damn my uncle!
�
so�
yeah�
anyway�
On a happier note�
Right before we went to New York, I got an email that read, �Hi. I was wondering if this is Jen W- from S-? -An old friend....�
The email address gave him away. It was my friend Phil, whom I haven�t seen in easily six years. He�d gotten married, moved to LA and out of my life. I emailed him back. He called me at work Tuesday afternoon, and we talked for almost an hour. Last night, he met me at the apartment and we went to the Dogwood for pizza.
Sitting with him last night was like going back in time. It certainly didn�t feel like six years had passed. I didn�t realize how much I�d missed him until I got him back.
It�s not an exaggeration for me to say that the summer I met Phil, having him as my friend saved my life. I was in a horrible place, and he brought me back to where I was able to function as a real person again. There were a lot of people around us that summer, all of whom were my friends, but there was only one Phil.
As he was leaving last night, I asked him if this was it, if he was now going to walk back out the door and out of my life again. His wife doesn�t love the fact that we�re friends, and was a big part of his exit before. I�m not sure how this is going to go this time around, if this was a one-shot deal.
I will be really, really sad if that�s the case.
It�s good to have people in your life that bring out the best and happiest sides of you. He�s always been that kind of person.
Thanks, Phil. It was so good to see you yesterday. Don�t be a stranger.
Hey, the first round of Immunity Challenge Entries are all up. Go check them out!
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