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Yep, I�m typing this from home. During Buffy. And there�s no TV in the computer room. My head is full, the Husband is out, and I needed some blank white space.
Today is Tuesday, which means I didn�t go to work. However, instead of spending the day with my mom, I was at the doctor. Since we got home from Bermuda, I�ve been experiencing these weird lightheaded spells. Not dizzy, exactly�there�s no spinning or vertigo or anything like that. Just�lightheaded. Off balance. Like I�ve had half a glass of wine. And the feeling comes and goes, and it lasts for anywhere from one minute to fifteen minutes. There are no other symptoms beyond this lightheadedness. Nothing I can point to, anyway, and they don�t seem to be either caused by or cured by anything.
So now we�ve been home for three weeks, and it�s still happening (which ruled out adjusting to being back on dry land, which was my first guess). The �I�m not a doctor, but I play one at my desk� brigade was divided into two camps�the �ear infection from being knocked over by a wave at Horseshoe Bay Beach� group and the �blood pressure issue� group, which was then divided again into a �too low� faction and a �too high� faction.
Dr. P checked my blood pressure. He looked in my ears, followed my gaze, listened to my heart, did everything he could do diagnostically in his small exam room, and came up empty. I�m boringly normal to the naked eye. So I came home with a bruise on my arm where I had two tubes of blood drawn for a complete workup, an order for a head MRI and an appointment to go to Cardiology on Saturday to be fitted with a holter monitor for a 24-hour holter test.
Right now, I�m frustrated and a bit apprehensive. Frustrated because I feel crappy, and I�m tired of feeling crappy, and no one can seem to tell me what to do to feel less crappy. And apprehensive because although Dr. P couldn�t give me any kind of answer today, he�s concerned enough that he ordered a battery of tests for me to try to figure out what the problem is.
My brain is playing Worst Possible Scenario. So far, it�s listed off brain tumor and MS (there�s question as to whether it�s hereditary) as its two favorite options.
On the home front, Betsy and Amy are still competing for honors as the reigning injured party. Yesterday, they did their best to pull the Husband into the middle of their fight. Or, rather, Betsy tried. Amy has been very silent, not just on this subject but in general. Betsy, on the other hand, is telling whatever she can to whomever will listen, looking for sympathy and a round of �You�re right, Betsy. Amy is a horrible daughter. You deserve better.�
I want to crack their heads together and tell them both to grow up and let it go. Life is too short and far too fragile to deal with crap like this. One of them could be dead tomorrow, and the other would never have the chance to fix this. It�s just not worth it. If this past year has taught me anything, it�s taught me that.
Of course, what do I know? I�m just the cranky, dizzy broad typing in the little white box.
Off to the second half of Buffy. Perhaps my next entry will be more upbeat. It could happen.
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