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The problem with spending several months in a self-absorbed slacker mode at your desk is that once you come out of it, cleanup of all the stuff you neglected for months is a bitch. Just not enough hours in the day these days. But I�m getting there. Most of the projects I�d just kind-of�let go are almost now current. Another week or so and I can stop avoiding people in the halls�
Feeling rather tired this afternoon. I was in Maine for a good part of the weekend with the Boyfriend and his family. They went up to Kennebunkport on Friday night, and I caught up with them Saturday afternoon. Sunday, we went to Freeport. Shopping is good. I have new shoes (24.00, Bass outlet), a new skirt (11.89, Gap outlet), new black work pants (10.00, Gap outlet) and two new sweaters (17.99, Banana Republic outlet and 34.99, J Crew outlet). All work clothes. It�s okay, though. I guess that dressing for my renewed interest in my job isn�t such a bad thing.
I�ve figured out why it is that Betsy doesn�t feel she knows me well enough yet. She doesn�t stop talking long enough for me to get a word in edgewise. Saturday night, everyone but her and me went down to the pool. She thought she�d use this time for a little future mother-and-daughter-in-law-bonding. Well, I know a lot more about my future mother-in-law now�
She later told me that she�s much happier that the Boyfriend is marrying me than she would have been if he�d married Bridget, his long-time serious girlfriend before me. No surprise there. Apparently, she didn�t know how to listen.
I�m having lunch with the Artboy tomorrow to talk about the prospective benefit show. He called me here at work on Thursday afternoon. We talked for about half an hour or so. NGF is moving back to France. He said they no longer speak. I expressed that I was sorry for him. He said he wasn�t sorry at all, as she�s spoiled and wants to do nothing but smoke pot and hang out with her friends all the time. Uh�I remember when that was the Artboy. Funny.
He also said that the only reason she hadn�t gone back to France right after graduation was him, and that since he didn�t have time to be in the relationship the way she wanted, things had gotten bad, and now they just don�t speak at all.
That comment did two things for me.
One, it made me feel bad for him, since at one point he and NGF had been very happy together.
Two, it made me realize that truly, nothing in the Artboy�s love life has changed. He makes the women that he loves his priority when it�s convenient for him. Anyone can be happy for a little while. It�s when you try to sustain joy that things get difficult, and he just isn�t capable romantically of going the distance. Not with me. Not with her. Not right now.
Talking to him was good. I enjoyed our conversation, just as I�m sure I�ll enjoy our lunch tomorrow. I�m drawing on the Artboy�s strengths in this capacity, and this is good for us. But again, I�ve been reminded that the decisions I�ve made are for the best for all of us.
Separately from the Boyfriend entirely, I have had the fact reinforced that the Artboy full-time is too much.
Separately from the Artboy, this weekend reinforced my happiness at the thought of marrying the Boyfriend (if not the thought of marrying his family�).
Yesterday, Betsy asked me if two years ago, when the Boyfriend and I first started dating again, I ever thought we�d end up where we are now.
The answer I gave her was the answer she was looking for. �No, Betsy, of course not.� That gave her the ability to agree with me, and go on to make her point about Bridget.
But the truth is, and I pointed this out to the Boyfriend last night, I�m not surprised at all. Sitting in the front seat of his truck that night, listening to him tell me that he didn�t know what to do, I told him that I did, that I was sure, that I was certain he was where I wanted to be.
And I meant it then.
And I mean it now.
�
Anyway�
On a completely different note, NEW BUFFY TOMORROW!!!! Which means that tomorrow is the first Buffy Night of the 2001-2002 TV season. I�m making lasagna. Want to join us?
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