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Yeah�so�
I�m back at my desk. Back to �normal� life. Except that my world feels much, much smaller now.
Thanks to everyone who sent me kind words, good vibes, mental hugs, cards and emails over the past few days. It�s good to have support. It�s meant more than you can imagine.
And special thanks to Carla�my friend, what would I do without you? I can�t even begin to imagine.
Yeah�so�
At some point, later, when I can think again, I�ll share with you my observations on grief, but right now I�m trying to dig out from under the pile that grew on my desk last week. Funny how time doesn�t stop just because someone you love dies.
In the meantime, I thought I�d share with you all what I read at David�s memorial service on Saturday. Again, when I can think again, I�ll write more about it. But for now�
I sat for a long time, trying to organize my thoughts about David well enough to share them today. It wasn�t an easy task. The sudden shock of losing him has made focusing difficult; the reality of his not being here doesn�t make sense, so the prospect of memorializing him seemed impossible. But I didn�t want to lose the chance to express how lucky I am to have had him in my life.
It�s been almost 12 years since the first time David pulled into our driveway in his old Camaro, ready to whisk my mom away on some adventure. He went quickly from being that guy who was trying to steal my mother to being an intrinsic part of our household. And life with David in it was a lot more fun, a lot more relaxed, full of lots of laughter and even more chocolate. He brought joy not only into my mom�s life, but into mine as well.
Earlier this week, my friend Carla, while talking about my relationship with David, referred to him as my �second father,� a much more accurate description of the role he played in my life than �stepfather.� Although we shared no blood, he had unquestionably been my dad for a long time.
Thursday night, Rev. Wheeler asked us what we felt David was proudest of. Mom said his family and then went on to mention specific things about Jay, Kristy and me that David had talked about. While I think Mom was right, I also think it goes further than that.
When we started out together, we were five very separate people, each with our own individual issues and anger, our own priorities, our own degrees of comfort with the new relationship that Mom and David�s being together gave us. As the years have passed, we�ve become a family in the truest sense of the word, and that, I think, is what made him proudest, seeing the people he loved most also love each other as well.
That love wasn�t limited to the five of us, either. David believed that if you were my family, since I was his family, you were his family. Talking to my aunts, uncles and cousins this week, I�ve heard evidence of that. �He was such a warm, caring man.� �He always made me feel special.� �He was one of the good ones.� �I�m so glad I got to know him.� And my favorite, �That David, he loved me so much!�
Mom asked me if, when I spoke today, I would tell you all that David was her wonderful, magical husband. Those are excellent words to describe both him and their relationship. I feel blessed to have had the chance to see two people treat each other with such care and respect, generosity and gratitude, tenderness and love.
Three summers ago, I had the opportunity to choose a reading for their wedding. I chose an e. e. cummings poem that I think reflects well how they felt about each other then. I think it holds true now, and I�d like to share it with you.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true
and it�s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that�s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
Thanks for 12 wonderful years, Schnopper! It wasn�t nearly long enough.
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