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I went home from work yesterday, met Chris, went to get my car back from the mechanic, came home again, ate some dinner and turned on the iMac. I planned to do a quick diary update then log off, but something made me check my email before I shut down.
I had a message from the Artboy. Two, actually.
I must confess, I�d emailed him again, this time from home, when I first got the iMac set up for internet access. I invited him to our Christmas party. At least, in theory I invited him. Or perhaps I just expressed my sadness that he wasn�t coming. Anyway, whatever I did, it prompted a response for the first time in months.
I sat and looked at his return address and the re: my subject line for several minutes before I opened the first one. Looking at his name actually made me cry, tears of relief and sadness and joy and apprehension, all mixed into one. Finally, I clicked on the subject and read his message.
It wasn�t very long. He apologized for not answering me before, but said that he needed to be sure of where he was now and how he�d gotten there before he let me be a part of his life again. He told me he was in a good place now, one he didn�t think his old friends expected him to be in or believed he could get to, which is why he doesn�t keep in touch with any of them. He told me that he hopes I�m happy now, and that he doesn�t think I ever was, really, when he was part of my life. He said that he always thought of me as a beautiful little girl full of fear, which was too bad, because I had nothing to be afraid of. It was signed love, (the Artboy).
The second one was a joke he�d forwarded on to me, along with many other people, some of them friends I haven�t talked to in ages. It said, "I bought my girlfriend a mood ring as a gift. When she�s happy, it�s green. When she�s angry, it makes a red mark on my forehead."
I told him I guess we should both be happy he never bought me a mood ring.
So yes, I answered him back, and I�ve already answered his response. We haven�t actually talked about anything yet, mostly just exchanged pleasant "I�m glad we�re talking again" conversation. But I feel this enormous sense of relief. Hearing from him made him real again. Which is good, because I was starting to turn him into some kind of Artboy icon in my mind.
Like that line from "Singles" says, in a parallel universe, I bet we�re a scorching couple. In this one, I�d settle for friends. I just couldn�t imagine not having him to talk to. Actually, I can imagine it�I�ve had that for months. I hate it.
Of course, now begs the question�how is the Boyfriend going to feel about this?
(Next Artboy entry here)
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