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Ooh--we can put 30 diaries in our profile now! I've promptly added some more!
Some of the things that are going through my head this afternoon:
1. I was looking at two photographs of a visiting professor with Ann, one of my coworkers. In one, he looks good�interesting, intelligent, engaging. In the other, he just looks like a big blob of a man. It�s entirely the angle of the camera, the way he was looking at the photographer, where the picture cuts him off.
One of my other coworkers walked by, listened to our conversation and looked at the photos. I said, �Mental note: Never let someone take a picture that cuts you off here� and motioned to my midsection.
Connie looked at me and said, �Yeah, like you need to worry about stuff like that.�
Okay, folks�here�s the thing�I know I�m not fat. I�ve never seriously described myself as fat. Out of shape, yes. Carrying a little extra weight, yes. But not fat.
You, people who make comments at me like the one Connie made, just serve to make me feel self-conscious. So please, don�t do it.
And maybe that�s silly. I know she meant it as a compliment. But it just comes off weird, and I don�t like it. So please, don�t let it happen again.
2. I mentioned in my earlier entry today that I�d talked twice today about authors I like, but I didn�t say much else. The first time was in an email to Cuppa Joe, who had reviewed Stranger in a Strange Land on his site. This is one of my favorite books ever.
The second time I�d talked about authors was at lunch. I was sitting at one of the cafeteria tables, reading Skinny Legs and All by Tom Robbins (for the third time�I�m a re-reader), when two of our engineers, David and Marc, came over and sat with me. Both
David and Marc are in their early 40�s, married with kids at home. Most of my conversations with them to date have been about work things. Today, though, they saw what I was reading and we started talking about it, and then about authors in general. Marc also really likes Robbins as a writer. David had never read anything by him, but now wants to borrow my book. We talked for about half an hour about authors we like, which books we like best by them, and where we find time to read in everyday life. It was actually a really cool conversation.
I don�t have conversations like that much. And by �like that� I mean with men who are older than me. It�s not my forte. I generally can�t do it. Women of any age, I have no problem with. Men my own age, I�m fine. People younger than me, and little kids�I could talk forever. But put me in a situation where I have to talk one-on-one with a MAN, and I clam up. My friends� dads, my stepdad�s friends, my uncles, people I work with�no words. It�s weird (my stepfather is the exception to that�him, I have no problem with, but he�s different).
I�m not sure why that is. I�ve never really realized it before. I�ll have to give that some thought.
3. There�s a display up by the cafeteria of artwork created by rape survivors in response to their attacks. It�s part of Rape Crisis Awareness Month, and sponsored by the hospital�s rape crisis center and the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (BARCC). Melissa was a BARCC volunteer.
Some of the pieces displayed are part of the Clothesline Project sponsored by BARCC, which displays t-shirts painted by rape survivors and the families/friends of women killed in violent attacks on a �clothesline�. The shirts are brightly colored and gaily painted, but the message they carry made me cry.
It makes me sad that Melissa is a �background� part of my mind these days. I think it�s a necessary fact�if I walked around with her story constantly in the forefront of my mind, I would be so angry and upset I�d stop functioning. But I don�t forget. How could I?
The display (part of the whole Clothesline Project, which will be at South Station in Boston this Thursday, April 12) made me stop and remember again. It also made me come back and email the volunteer coordinator at BARCC. Their next training session starts this summer. After going through a 50-hour training class, participants become certified rape crisis volunteers.
Not a bad thing to add to my bank of knowledge. And perhaps a good way to honor Melissa�s memory.
She deserves that. She deserves so much better than she got
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