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I should be in bed, but I've been reading through way too many of Chrissy's entries for the past hour or so. She and Katy are both students in Boston. I had the opportunity to meet them both earlier this year and didn't take it, which I'm sorry about. Perhaps I'll have another chance when they come back after the summer ends.
The Artboy and I used to joke about parallel universes a lot. "In a parallel universe, I bet we're a scorching couple." I've been re-reading the Robert Jordan Wheel of Time book series, and the characters in it use portal stones to travel through alternate dimensions as well. Even Buffy and Angel have been about parallel universes for the past several weeks. I'm beginning to think more and more that they're there, somewhere.
I guess I'd just like to believe that in some alernate time-space, I left Sharon with the rest of my high school class. I like to think that somewhere, I sent in all those applications instead of burying them in my drawer. I went to Emerson, spent four years as a student in the city I love, took my writing and publishing classes, got to be young and silly in the middle of Boston. I'd like to think that I got to be Chrissy somewhere.
Not that I haven't had the chance to enjoy the city. Reading through their entries is funny, because I've been all the places they go, done lots of the things they do. They talk about going to bands I know members in, and about being snubbed by the bitchy nosering girl at the Middle East who sounds like she has to be the same person who blatantly flirted with the Artboy in front of me and "accidentally" spilled my drink at an Amazing Crowns (still Royal to the Loyal) show a few years ago.
At the same time, though, I read what they write and see the life I never got to have. The one I missed out on. The one I'll always miss and regret not taking when I had the chance. I'm too old to be nineteen in the city any more. When I was nineteen, I had a 9-5 office job nowhere near the Common.
Not that I don't like the life I have now. If I'd gone a different way, I'd probably not have met the Boyfriend, and most days, when I'm not majorly PMS'd out, I see that I would miss that.
Small decisions bring you to such different places. Some days, it's hard to not wonder "what if." I'm glad I get the chance to see that "what if" now. Thanks.
Inspired by one of Chrissy's entries about reading a boy she had a crush on's terrible poetry at 15, I will share with you all a terrible poem from my past. I'd like to say I dug around to find it after I read her entry, but the sad truth is that I still remember it at 30, even thought I wrote it at 14. (Carla, try not to laugh too hard--I know you know who this was for! Remember--I was 14!!!)
For Daniel
There's a place in my heart
Waiting for your love.
Others may try,
But only you can fill it.
I wait patiently until the day
You admit to your desires
And we join, hand in hand
To walk the road of life.
-Jenistar, circa 1985
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