Sponsor me in the 2005 MS Walk! Why? Read here.
This was the entry I'd planned to post yesterday, but Diaryland had different ideas about access. Mike owned up to breaking the internet, playing with the html on the Survivor's Blog, but I don't blame him. Really. I know it was Kathy, trying to sabotage the rest of the game! (Just kidding, Kathy. We know it was really Jon!)
So, without further ado, this was yesterday's entry. I'm in a much better mood now. Food and sleep do wonders for a girl...
Not sure I�m even going to be able to get into Diaryland to post this entry�the web seems awfully temperamental today around here.
I understand that feeling.
Andrea the EAP counselor and I met this morning. It started off as such a good day. I got to sleep a little late. The bus ride to the health center (which is on my way to work) took only about five minutes. I�d allotted myself half an hour, so I stopped at JP Licks and got a cup of tea and a cinnamon scone. I arrived five minutes early. She met me right on time.
Then came the question. �Tell me a little bit about yourself, and why you decided to call EAP.�
The next 40 minutes involved me bringing up and talking to her about a whole litany of things. David�s death. My wedding stress. Nana�s cancer and death. Papa�s Alzheimer�s and death. The rape. The abortion. BARCC. My dad�s manic depression. My paternal aunt�s depression and suicide attempts. My father�s affairs and issues with the truth. My sudden discoveries of half-siblings, late in the game. My maternal uncle�s undiagnosed but evident bipolarity. My mom�s MS. My past bouts of depression where I flunked out of school and didn�t go out at all for a couple months. My recent inability to make and/or keep plans. My fears about my mom. My fears about me. The gaping hole that David�s absence has left in my life. My inability to regain control. My fears about rolling up into a little ball and disappearing once again.
She told me that I�d suffered a ridiculous amount of loss, and that she gave me credit for not having completely fallen apart. And she told me that she admired the strength it took for me to make the phone call to her in the first place.
I couldn�t quite shake the feeling that she�d just done the equivalent of patting me on the head. �Good doggy.�
She�s supposed to call me at some point, either tomorrow or Monday, to give me some referral names. I can�t continue to see her. I guess I misunderstood that.
So then I came to work.
All day, I�ve felt extremely fragile. Like I�m going to break if you look at me cross-eyed.
Now, I�m fragile and worn out.
Glad today is Thursday. Even more glad that I have tomorrow off.
I promised the folks on my notify list that I would give a little more background on my IC entry from yesterday (you can find that here, but I just don�t have it in me to go back there right now. Sorry.
---------------------------------------------
Something to say about this entry?
Add your comments here (2 people have spoken already)
< Immunity Challenge 4 | Good weekend, bad morning >
