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Daylight savings time can bite my ass!
No, seriously. It�s nice to have the light later and all, but I�m not sure it�s worth feeling like crap for a full week because my alarm goes off at what my body thinks is 4:30 am. Just not worth it at all.
Now that I have that off my chest�
I came in this morning to the news that Kathy had been voted off the island. This made me very sad. And surprised me, too. I didn�t think she�d be the next to go. Hell, I really thought I�d be gone before her. Not that I wanted to go myself, but I�m bummed that she�s gone.
Anyway�
After I finished reading up on the latest DS3 news, I jumped in to start my day. Since I�m now working 7:30-6, I�m the only person in the office area for a good chunk of each morning. Today, though, I could hear someone over near the mailboxes and fax machine while I read through my email.
I can�t see that area from my desk, so I couldn�t tell who it was, but I thought I was making enough noise for anyone over there to know I was here, too.
In the midst of all the paper shuffling, a long, distinct fart noise rose up.
I tried hard not to laugh. Instead, I waited a moment, and then dialed my phone on speaker, and did a couple things to make it more apparent that I was over here.
After another minute, I heard it again. This one brought along a rather distinct, nasty stench, which hung in the air for about 20 minutes afterwards.
After another minute, Carl came around the corner and said hello to the farter. The farter answered back, and I immediately recognized his voice. It was one of the doctors in the department. One of my least favorite doctors, by the way.
Now, I keep seeing him in the hall, and it�s all I can do not to either acknowledge his grossness or burst out laughing in his general direction.
This is not good.
Of course, I didn�t come in here today to tell y�all fart stories, folks. I came in to divulge to you the story of my weekend.
Saturday was the Boyfriend�s birthday. He turned 30, a milestone I thought deserved to be celebrated.
Friday, he played hooky from work, and my mom took us both out to lunch at Siro�s in Hingham. What a gorgeous restaurant. The ma�tre d' told us that it used to be a brothel, which fascinated the Boyfriend to no end. He told everyone he talked to all weekend that my mom took him to lunch in a brothel for his birthday. Silly, silly boy�
After lunch, we went and looked at wedding bands.
My initial feeling was that I wanted a plain platinum band to go with my engagement ring. I�d tried a few on and really felt overwhelmed at having any more stones on my hand. Mom and the Boyfriend had different ideas, though, and kept pulling out bands with bigger stones for me to try on. I went from the plain band to the channel setting to the bar setting, with the weight of the stones (and the weight of the price) increasing.
Finally, the salesgirl pulled out a ring I really liked. It was an eternity ring (that means the stones go all the way around, for those of you like me who know nothing about jewelry), which eliminated the problem of the ring twist (where the engagement ring and the wedding ring cease to line up), with alternating square princess cut and bezel cut diamonds. I tried to find a photo of a similar ring, but this is as close as I could come:
Imagine that this ring has square stones instead of round ones, and that they go all the way around.
They looked beautiful together, but without making me feel like my hand was screaming, �I HAVE DIAMONDS ON!!!!�
I LOVE this ring.
Then, of course, she pulled out the little card that describes it. The ring is over 1.5 carats in a platinum setting. Its list price is $4,240.
Now, that�s not the price we�d pay for it, but even the �friend of Howie�s� discount isn�t going to bring it below three grand, I don�t believe. And I just don�t know that I can justify that.
But man, is it gorgeous�
Anyway�
So we left the jewelers and went to Crescent Ridge to get ice cream, as my mom had promised to make an ice cream cake for the Boyfriend�s birthday brunch at Betsy�s the following day. Since we were there, we had to indulge, and ended up eating ice cream for dinner. I went for the Moose Tracks, vanilla with a fudge swirl and mini peanut butter cups. Yummy! Mom bought chocolate chip (the Boyfriend�s favorite) and mocha chip (because an all-chocolate chip cake would be boring), and crushed Oreos for the middle.
While she put the cake together, the Boyfriend and I searched the movie listings in the Phoenix, looking for something to do that night. I jokingly said, �too bad it�s not Saturday, or we could go see the amateur porn festival at Coolidge Corner!�
My mom said, �The what?�
I explained that the woman who runs Grand Opening, the woman-friendly sex toy store near the theater, had organized the third annual �You Ought to be in Pictures,� a collection of local home-done �adult� videos, submitted by people who have a yearning to see themselves in various states of undress and various stages of involvement on the big screen. The collection is aired at the Coolidge Corner Theater and then destroyed.
The Boyfriend jumped in. �Hey�I read about that! I want to go!�
He dug around in the paper until he found the information, and then went to call the theater. A few minutes later, he reappeared, paper with confirmation number in hand. He�d bought tickets. We were going to the show.
I pointed out that it started at Midnight, thinking this would dissuade him. It didn�t work. He said, �We�ll take a nap.�
Then he looked at me, all sad-eyed, and said, �It�s my birthday!�
I made him swear not to tell his family. That was all I needed, Betsy going on that not only had I �stolen her baby,� but now I was dragging him down this path of certain ruin.
The next morning, we went to Betsy�s. She wanted us there at 11:30 at the latest, so that he could greet his guests. We arrived at Noon, and were the first people in the door.
The first person to show up was Tina, one of Betsy�s real estate friends. She was followed by three of Amy�s friends, two of whom the Boyfriend had never met before. Out of the 15 or so people there, the only ones who were there truly for the Boyfriend were his friend Joe, his friends Al and Corrine (his ex-girlfriend�s parents, but that�s a story for a different entry), my mom and me.
We were barely in the door when she jumped on him. �That�s what you wear to your big birthday celebration?!� He had on a nice pair of jeans and a plaid button-down shirt. He wasn�t dressed up, but he looked nice. Nice enough to go out to a restaurant. Certainly nice enough for brunch in his mother�s living room.
Mind you, this was before she�d even wished him a happy birthday.
I swear, sometimes, that woman is going to drive me over the edge!
So we had brunch, and it was very nice. After he blew out the candles on the ice cream cake, Betsy said, �Hope you enjoyed this, because it�s the last party I�m planning for you. Now, you become your wife�s responsibility!�
She�s just incapable of doing something nice without making issue out of it.
So�
We left her house around 6:30 and went back to the condo, where I did indeed take a nap. He woke me up around 9:45 and we groggily drove back to my mom�s, where we left his car and took mine into Brookline for the movie.
The sign at the front of the line read �Line up here for SMUT!� The line stretched around three sides of the building. As we entered the theater, the girls handing out programs said, �Enjoy the smut! Enjoy the porn!�
And some of it I did enjoy. Sort of. Some of it was interesting, entertaining, even. Some was funny. Some was just weird. And some was really, really gross. I don�t ever need to see a film about a man making a woman get down on her hands and knees and then alternately sticking his penis into her butt and into her mouth. No thank you. I really, really, really never want to see that again. I don�t want to have seen it the first time. Thanks.
I think we were both ready to go before the night was over, but we stuck around to watch the tapes get destroyed. I don�t think we�re planning to attend YOTBIP 4 next year. This may have been enough.
We got home around 2:30, which was now 3:30, due to this stupid time change, and fell into bed for what seemed like only minutes. At 8:30 the next morning, I was up and showering, getting ready to go to a bridal brunch with my mom.
We ended the day by meeting the minister to talk about the wedding and about marriage in general. I�ll have to wait on that, though, as it�s somehow become time to go home.
I want to get out of here before Dr. Fartbutt reappears!
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