Sponsor me in the 2005 MS Walk! Why? Read here.
Because the sight of myself in my latex Halloween dress depressed me so greatly, I chose to drown my sorrows over the next two days in food.
Tuesday, I had lunch with the Artboy at Sorento�s, a little Italian place near the hospital. We split a spinach salad with sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms and artichoke hearts. Then I ate a roll with butter and a bowl of fettuccini in cream sauce with garlic, spinach and mushrooms. It was absolutely delicious.
Tuesday night, I made dinner for the Buffy viewers. Spinach and artichoke dip with tortilla chips to start, then salad, warm Italian bread and a lovely dish my friend Glen named �Pasta Scorcese��really lazy lasagna, but Pasta Scorcese sounds much nicer. Oh�and brownies with peppermint stick ice cream for dessert.
Yesterday, I had lunch with Aimee, our new marketing person. We shared an order of spring rolls, then I had something called �loc lac�, yummy, yummy beef tenderloin and jasmine rice. We stopped at JP Licks and got ice cream on our walk back to work.
Last night, I went with some of my coworkers to the S&S Deli in Inman Square for dinner. Lisa ordered potato skins, dripping with cheese and bacon and sour cream. I ate one of those. Then I had a cheeseburger club sandwich with fries (which I skipped) and a half-sour pickle (which I completely finished). Afterwards, Donna and I shared a piece of marble cheesecake with strawberries.
Then I went home and was confronted by the Halloween dress hanging over the back of my chair.
How very depressing.
I never used to be one of these food-obsessed women.
In fact, I always hated it when I�d hear my friends go on about how fat they were. But right now, I�m feeling extremely out of shape, and questioning where the new added parts of me came from.
I think they came from the cheesecake and the cream sauce and the brownies and the ice cream.
I have a horrible self-image right now. And I�m not sure how to fix it.
I hate the thought of �going on a diet.� I�ve never been �on a diet.� Ever. Not once in 31 years. I don�t know that I really need that. But I need to improve my self-image, unquestionably, and I don�t know how to do that.
I�m feeling suddenly old. Old and out of shape. Old and out of shape and unmotivated and uninspired.
This is not a good thing.
I told my mom the Halloween dress story. Then I told her that although I hadn�t eaten anything really crappy for me today, I had stared longingly at the M&M cookies in our cafeteria at lunch.
She said, �But did you eat one?�
Well, no, but I stood there and wished for a long time.
She said, �Maybe you should just bring the Halloween dress with you everywhere you go as motivation. Maybe you should start wearing it under all your other clothes.�
Yeah, cause a bottom layer of latex and zipper would be so comfortable.
But it would keep me away from the cookies.
I said to her, �it depresses me because I looked fabulous in that dress.�
She answered, �Yes, you did. Slutty and cheap, but fabulous. You could do that again. Though skip the slutty and cheap this time.�
When did I become that which I used to scoff at?
---------------------------------------------
Something to say about this entry?
Add your comments here (0 people have spoken already)
< short and not so sweet | Hoping for the future and revisiting the past >
