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1. Dogs:
I got an email message from my mom today. Rather, her friend Kathy sent it for her, since my mom is one of the least internet-savvy people I know.
It was a listing from Petfinder.com.
Kathy has been after my mom to get a dog since David died. Lots of people have told her it�s a good idea (she�s been extraordinarily resistant), but Kathy has been the biggest pro-dog voice of all. Today, Kathy came to work and showed my mom this photo:
This is Shannon. She�s a nine-year-old fox terrier who was used in a puppy mill until she couldn�t have puppies any more. She spent the first eight years of her life stuck on a three-foot length of chain. Then she was rescued and placed in this shelter of sorts. Now she needs a good home.
But wait, there�s more�
Shannon has a mammary tumor from being overbred. The vet says it�s self-contained and will be easy to remove, without any expected effect on the rest of her life or health. But they�re holding off on having it done until they�re sure she has a home, because the woman who rescued her has to move, and can�t take her along, so if they don�t find her a permanent home before that happens, she�ll be euthanized.
She�s not good with dogs as small or smaller than her, but she�s wonderful with people and has a great disposition. Cheryl, the woman who has her now, said she loves attention and is extremely affectionate.
Of course, there�s a catch.
She�s not house trained. She�s crate trained, but she�s never been a house dog. And now she�s 9, which means that training her at this point is a huge undertaking. Not impossible, but certainly difficult.
But look at that face�She looks SO much like Daisy, the dog we had while I was growing up (same breed, same sweet face). And I keep going in and looking at her photo. So cute�
Holding her life in the balance sure isn�t easy. Of course, if we don�t take her (and I say �we� because I know this would mean responsibility on my part, too), there�s a chance someone else would come along and give her a place to go. Maybe.
But there�s a huge chance that she would end up being put to sleep.
So there it is. I called Cheryl back a little while ago and gave her our �vet reference,� and now I�m waiting for her to send me the application.
My mom is crazy. I�m crazy for even thinking about helping her do this.
But what would you do?
2. Sex.
That�s the other thing I�ve been thinking about today. No correlation with the dog thing.
I had an email conversation this morning with someone who is a friend of mine. A pretty good friend. We�ve been friends now for about four years.
He wrote something to me jokingly that puzzled me at first, but then made me laugh and shake my head at myself. You see, I�d forgotten that he and I�well�had rather intimate knowledge of each other.
It only happened once. While I was in the process of extricating myself from my relationship with the Artboy, and it looked like there was no hope that the Boyfriend would ever speak to me again. We were up late. There might have been a glass of wine involved on my part. I was feeling rather down on myself and he�d set out to make me feel better. Somehow, we ended up naked. Or nekkid, as Tom Robbins would say.
Amazingly, it didn�t overly (or at least permanently) complicate things between us, and today, it�s almost like that night never happened. Except, of course, that it did. And while I know that, I had truly forgotten, in my conscious mind, about that night.
Which got me thinking.
I made a list. You know, the List. The one we�ve all made. At least, those of us with two or more people to add to it.
You want to know how many, don�t you? Less than 18, more than 8. I really had to think about who belonged on it, and then, once I was sure all the names were there, I had to think some more about the chronological order they belonged in.
Given the opportunity, there are a couple names on there I�d go back and remove. Stupid decisions. Dangerous decisions. The kind of decisions that make you look back later in life and appreciate just how lucky you really are.
Of course, there�s one name on there I had no choice on. I know, he doesn�t belong on that list, but I need to put him there anyway. I need to keep him a part of that history, because his presence at the beginning helps explain some of those later, questionable decisions.
There are five people on that list that I really, truly believed I loved when I added their names. Looking back, I�d say that still holds true for three of them, anyway. There�s one name on there of someone for whom I felt uncontrolled, undeniable lust. The mere sight of him made me break out in what Jay O�Grady used to call �a serious case of thigh sweats.� Man, that boy�s voice was enough to send me over the edge. Nope, wouldn�t take him off there.
And there are one or two that I could�ve maybe loved, given the right situation, better timing, more dedication. Almost half are people I still talk to, on a somewhat regular basis anyway. That was a surprise to me. Again, maybe because at least one name on the list was one I�d forgotten belonged there.
Life is weird.
Sex is weird.
All that fuss. Think about the things that sex runs in our lives. Wanting it. Having it. Not wanting to lose it. Thinking you might find it better somewhere else. Thinking you can find a magic key to get you more of it, of a better quality.
And really�what�s all the fuss about? Two people (generally, anyway�I�m not talking about The Night That Never Happened here) getting all sweaty and sticky, looking fairly ridiculous in the process and fussing with various types of questionable birth control, assuming that the people involved are of opposite sexes and of childbearing years, of course (which, of course, all people having sex are not).
But I�m not talking about procreation. That�s a totally different subject. And the only people who get all up in arms about that are the people who want a baby but can�t seem to produce one together. Generally, the sex that gets people all (and yes, I�m going to say it) hot and bothered is the kind that they don�t want to have result in the double pink line. Companies don�t use procreation as a means to sell anything but fertility products. And that�s a whole different topic.
No, I�m specifically talking about sex for sex�s sake.
And there are all kinds of reasons people do it. I named a couple up there. Some of it�s an expression of love. Some is purely hormonal.
Some is because you don�t quite know how to say no. Some is because you feel crappy about yourself and you think it will make you feel better. Sometimes it�s pity sex. Sometimes it�s boredom. Sometimes it�s a bargaining chip.
But when you get right down to it, it�s still just two people in various states of undress, attempting to put the right peg in the right hole and produce the right kind of response.
So what�s the fuss about?
My list isn�t really very long. Longer, maybe, than a lot of women (or at least longer than a lot of women will admit to), but not full of so very many names. Enough, though, that I can say I�ve experienced different kinds of sex, with various levels of commitment (and various levels of partner knowledge) involved.
And the fuss, in the end, is about getting to where you know that no matter how many names are on that list today, it�s the same number that you�ll want there tomorrow, and next week, and three years from now, and when you hit a point in your life, whenever that may be, that sex isn�t something you fuss over any more, you�ll still look at that last name on the list and feel satisfied that you stopped there.
Or maybe that�s the pre-wedding Hallmark card instinct in me coming out full-force.
Now I�m really just rambling.
3. Clyde:
Can you tell that I was up late last night, reading with Clyde? I just had to mention before I finished off here that he�s so damn cute, it just might kill me!
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