tough day
2002-06-12 - 8:15 a.m.

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I never quite made it in here yesterday. It was that kind of day.

I feel sort of like I�m just going through the motions right now. I have happy moments, but they�re interspersed with a bunch of�nothing.

This morning, I got off the shuttle bus and started walking toward my building. Just outside the door, I was hit with a huge urge to just turn around and go home. Crawl into bed with a cup of tea and my book and Clyde, and hide out there all day.

My desire to leave the house is getting smaller and smaller.

There are three people I�m fine with--my mom, Carla and the Boyfriend. I can function okay with them. The rest of the world? I�m having trouble.

I hate this. And I know what to do to make it better. So why haven�t I done it?

Therein lies the rub. Depression is passive. The less you do, the worse you feel, which makes you do less.

Logically I know all of this.

And yet�I still do nothing.

I�m not sure if this is helping or making it worse.


So the final round of Diary Survivor 3 is underway. A lot of people seem to be rather upset about the way things are going. I�ve already said my piece here, so I won�t rehash it all in this page, but just in case either TV Zero or LadeeLeroy are reading, I wish you both well in this last round of play. It�s a tough vote for me, so I�m looking forward to reading your responses to the jury questions. And to all of the contestants, I still stand by my claim that I had a good time playing, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

If you�re interested in playing DS4, which you should be, sign the guestbook and let Meg know, wouldja? I don�t want her to think there�s not enough interest for another round.


Okay, I�m off to start my day. Officially, it started 45 minutes ago, but I was busy trying to clear my head, you know?

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