Sponsor me in the 2005 MS Walk! Why? Read here.
After a little bit of prodding by Carla, I took a trip to CVS this morning. I purchased:
ReNu MultiPlus lubricating and rewetting drops for my contact lenses;
Q-Tips, 500 count (not the antibacterial kind�that�s just weird);
10-pack CVS double blade razors with lubricating strips;
1.5 liter bottle of Poland Springs water;
4.5 oz. Box cinnamon crisp graham crackers (�A good source of Calcium!�);
Bonus pack, two-for-the-price-of-one, First Response Pregnancy Tests.
Part of me feels very foolish for having purchased the last item on that list. I really had to laugh at myself, wasting $14.00 like that. Because logically, I really do believe I don�t need them. But, like I told Carla, it wasn�t logic that woke me up at 4:00 this morning. That was the evil part of my brain, the part that insists on playing this terrible game.
But life goes on. I get up and I come to work, and I submit CEU reimbursements for my techs, and I file HR adjustments, and I type up minutes from old meetings and set up new meetings and answer emails and phone calls. I go home and clean my house and decorate for Christmas and make shopping lists for our party on Saturday night and chat with Chris about getting a tree and eat dinner and watch new episodes of Felicity. And none of that changes because my brain has decided in some illogical little corner that I might possibly maybe by ridiculously small chance be pregnant.
Because those are the parts of my life that ARE ruled by logic and reason. Well, except maybe the Felicity part.
And I�m past the freak out stage. I�m into the acceptance stage of the game, the part where I start to think, �Okay, well, this is what I would say to my mom, and this is stuff that would have to go, and the wedding would be affected this way��
That�s the big one, the biggest, most evil part of this particular round of the Game. The Wedding. The one that�s almost exactly nine months away. The one we�ve been planning and saving for, the one I bought the big poufy dress for, the one that wouldn�t happen, were I either about to give birth or a brand new mom.
And the funny part is that I know that�s where this has come from. Not a week or so before I *decided* I was pregnant, we had a big conversation about how it couldn�t happen right now, that NOW, we�d have to wait until after the wedding since the timing had hit critical mass.
Nothing like planting a seed. So to speak.
So instead, I remind myself that in this particular game, we�re at something like Jennifer 6, Evil Part of her Brain 0.
And tonight, I will go home and travel to Sharon with Chris, where we will buy a Christmas tree and have dinner with my mom and David and I will NOT say word one about this to any of the people I�m eating with, as it�s not information any of them need, and I�ve managed to worry enough people already with something that really isn�t worth worrying about.
And in the meantime, I�ll know that I have a pregnancy test in my bag, and let the ridiculousness of that fact sink in to my evil little brain.
The Boyfriend, who has the day off and was sitting in my bed watching Maury this morning when I left for work, asked me if there was anything he could do to lower my stress level. I suggested that he numb the part of my brain that thinks too much, but we both agreed that the process might make me less than functional. He offered to call in sick for me. He suggested that we spend the whole day watching bad daytime TV.
It was a tough offer to pass up. I�d really like to still be there.
Course, he�s off tomorrow, too. I still have a chance.
---------------------------------------------
Something to say about this entry?
Add your comments here (0 people have spoken already)
< Thanksgiving Eve | One Solid Pink Line >
