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Lookit that--two days in a row. Just like old times. Well, except for the fact that I didn't have a word document open on my computer screen all day and type an entry into it when I should have been working. Except for that...
It's been a weird day. Someone I like very much and trust hugely told me something today. Something about someone else that I like very much and trust hugely, and it wasn't very complementary. And I don't know what to do with it. On one hand, the person who said it truly believes it to be true, but on the other, I just can't imagine that it is. It's one of those things that I just wish I'd never heard.
Although, in the end, it doesn't really affect me at all, one way or another, so I can truly just put it out of my head and forget I ever heard it. Go back to where I was before it stuck in my head. Sometimes, ignorance is really bliss.
At work today, Jan commented on one of the drug reps who came through the office, saying, "I thought he'd be good for you, Jen, you know--if you weren't married. He's got that clean-cut, wholesome, sweet look, and that adorable smile." Although I agreed on the smile part, I had to laugh at the rest of her comment. I reminded her that the Husband has that look, too, but that underneath it all, he's really kind-of strange, out-there, odd, freaky--all in a good sort of way. The kind of way that makes me love him. The kind of way that keeps me from getting bored with him. The kind of way that makes him do things like appear in the hallway in elephant underwear.
Jan said, "yeah, but I bet all the boys you've fallen for have had that look." I laughed again. In answer, I walked out to my car and brought in the Artboy's CD to show her. He's not exactly Mr. Clark Kent.
It spurred her, Donna and Patty to ask me a few questions about the Artboy. I talked for a few minutes, and then said, "you know, the truth is, he just wasn't very good for me."
Jan laughed. "Ah yes, but Jennifer, you loved the shit out of him, didn't you?! Love does funny things to you."
I agreed, but added that it wasn't so much his not being good for me that killed it as his not being good to me. I then told them the story of the Metal Bob Car Incident, and said, "I honestly don't quite know who I was back then. Because I CERTAINLY wouldn't let someone treat me that way now."
There was a moment of silence, and then I grinned at Jan. "But man, you're right. I did love the shit out of him!"
I don't miss it, though. The unbalanced, insecure world of my Artboy years. I don't miss feeling bad about myself, or not knowing what the next day would bring. I don't miss not wanting to look in the mirror because I didn't like the person looking back.
These days, even with the ever-changing pregnancy shape (and it is ever-changing! Every day, there's a little more of me!), I like the person I see in my reflection. And I love the place she lives in. I come home, and it feels like home. And I wouldn't trade that for the world.
Sometimes I think I need to remind myself of that.
By the way, for anyone keeping track, I'm at 18 weeks tomorrow! That's 45% done being pregnant!!! The time is actually flying by. I felt the baby move this week, which was an incredibly cool thing. We're almost to the point where it can hear us. Not that the not hearing thing has stopped me from talking to it thus far, but it will be cool when I know that the talking is sinking in...
Off to do yet another load of laundry...Goodnight, all.
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