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I was on my way to bed. And yet, somehow, here I am in front of the white box again.
I had a dermatology appointment today. Tomorrow is our monthly administrative meeting, the one I take the minutes for. It's also Steve's departure party for the whole department/hospital. So consequently, I took today and have to work tomorrow.
At first, I felt bad about it. My mom looked so sad at the fact that we wouldn't have tomorrow to play with. But then I woke up this morning and didn't have to get out of bed. I made myself some tea and crawled back under the covers, where I stayed and read until after 9. I got up and showered, then drove back to the apartment. It was so very nice to have all that time to myself. I got my Jennifer day. Well, mostly...
Which is good. I needed that after yesterday. Last night was hard. And so very sad. PJ looked like a deer caught in headlights. His dad was going to move in with him today. I'm not sure how he feels about that. He told me that someone going through the line said, "Your mom's in a better place." [Note: this is another one of those things to avoid saying at a wake or funeral. Regardless of the situation surrounding the person's death. Really.] PJ told me that he figures with his dad moving in, he'll be able to find out exactly where his mom was before, and will be able to determine if she's in a better place now or not for himself.
Funny boy, that cousin of mine.
Even in his grief, he hugged me and said, "I was so sorry to hear about David, JJ*. For him to go so suddenly like that--I think that must be harder."
We all agree that it's impossible to lose someone that suddenly, without the chance to say goodbye. I said that it was hard, knowing there were things I'd never get to say to him. PJ said, "Well , that's why it's important to say what you want all along." I laughed. "Yeah, I know that. But I could do without the reminders..."
I didn't go to the funeral today. I just couldn't. I figure I paid my respects to Muriel last night. Now, it's about the people who are still here.
Of whom, this one needs to go to bed.
*Yeah. My cousins call me JJ. It stands for Jennifer Jane. My parents thought it was cute. I still curse them for that.
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