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Huh. According to Humans for Sale, I am worth exactly $2,201,250.00. They hope I can find someone wealthy enough to buy me. Very interesting.
Dinner with Jill was�well�interesting. I had hoped to be able to ask her about being a bridesmaid at the end of a little spiel about our friendship and how I was glad we were still friends, and how I hoped she�d be part of the wedding party because I was looking forward to working with her to plan the wedding, and that even though our lives are so different these days, and we see so little of each other, and we aren�t as close as we used to be, I hoped planning together would renew the strength of our friendship. Didn�t get any of that out. Couldn�t work the conversation in that direction. Instead, I just told her that the Boyfriend and I had been talking about what we wanted in the wedding, and that we hoped she and Lauren (her three-year-old daughter) would both be in the wedding as a bridesmaid and a flower girl. She said nothing at all for a minute, then slowly, �we could probably do that.� Then she asked me who the other kids in the wedding were going to be and quickly changed the subject. No question about the rest of the bridal party, or about dresses or anything. Just a quick subject change.
I know in her head she was getting ready to hear me ask her to be my Maid of Honor, and I know that NOT asking her made her feel bad. But she�s going to have to find a place inside herself where she�s okay with this. Or she needs to not be part of the wedding. Because I refuse to let her ruin my fun!
Other than the wedding part of the conversation, our dinner was actually very nice. Lauren behaved extremely well, and is truly a fun little girl. I had brought her a little play set in a small plastic lunchbox case containing a teensy house with a fence to rearrange and two bears with chairs and a table, and she loved it. We �made� the chairs into a roller coaster and she slid them all around the tabletop while telling me about the Iceberg Coaster at Story Land she went on last week. �It was really fast, and Daddy was scared, but I took care of him,� she told me with an absolutely serious face.
Sometimes, I think I�m ready to be a parent Right Now. Other times, I realize that I�m not quite in the right mindset. But it�s hard to be faced with a moment like that and not want it for myself.
Anyway�
Since I was on the do-things-that-are-wedding-related-that-I�ve-been-putting-off track, I also called by brother and sister-in-law today. Ron and Shelly live in Washington State, as far away from me as they could be and not be in a different country! I�ve been avoiding calling them and telling them because I�ve been afraid they�d tell me they weren�t planning to come. They were supposed to come visit two Easters ago, but it didn�t happen, for a variety of reasons, and my whole family was sad. It�s really important to me that Ron be here. He�ll be the only person at the ceremony representing that whole side of my family. I have no other relatives on my dad�s side that I talk to, or even know how to reach. And if I�d called him and told him, and he�d said no, I would have been crushed. BUT that didn�t happen. Shelly was all excited and congratulatory and told me they�re definitely planning to be here. Then she said she and Ron are thinking of coming alone and leaving the kids with her dad.
Part of me is sad about that idea. Part of my desire to have all the kids in the wedding involved Caley, Genie and Erik. But given the choice between having just Ron and Shelly here or not having them at all, I don�t have to hesitate to say I want them to come.
Carla sent me an email this morning with a list of questions on it about my favorite kinds of many different things and my preferences on select things weddingy (Heh. Word�s spellcheck wants to turn that into �wed dingy.�). �Cause, you know, it�s all about the bride. For the record, my favorite kind of cake is yellow, with a light coat of chocolate frosting, and my favorite color is blue. Just in case anyone besides Carla wanted to know. Those two were easy. The rest of the questions will have to wait until I�ve had a chance to think about them!
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