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Ah, Diaryland, I haven�t deserted you! I hate not having a functional computer at home. My workdays have been so crazed lately; it�s hard to get time to write a cohesive entry. There�s a big push to get a lot of things finished around here before the summer vacations start in earnest. I�m feeling a little crazed. It will get better, though. Mid-July, I�ll probably have nothing to do BUT put up entries!
We spent a good portion of the weekend unpacking all the Boyfriend�s stuff and setting up the new condo. Strange to be putting everything away in a place that will eventually be home for me, too. I threw away LOTS of expired boxed food Saturday (expired, like �Best Before September 20, 1995� expired). He seems to have a hoarding problem. We made a deal, though. Anything that I didn�t throw away this weekend that is still in the cabinets next August will be trash, no arguments. I guarantee at least three quarters of it will still be there.
The meatheaded previous owner of the condo told him that we�ll be able to see six separate fireworks displays from the little balcony this week. Nice little bonus!
We don�t even actually have to go outside, as the whole back wall of the condo is set with full-length windows. We watched the storm safely inside on Saturday night. Discovered that the building is fairly soundproof, too, which is good. And since he�s on the top floor, there are no stomping people upstairs. I won�t know what to do with myself in all the quiet! I�m sure I�ll adjust, though, without much effort.
Yesterday morning, I left him in bed and sat on the couch for an hour with my book and a cup of tea, feeling like all was right with the world. The new place is big enough that we can be there without tripping over each other, together but in our own space, which the old place never accommodated. He�s become more aware, as time has gone on, of my need for that occasional buffer, and has learned that it�s not personal. I don�t love him any less because I need a few hours to myself. We�re both much happier with that understanding. Later, he spackled holes while I cleaned the bathrooms. Then he went to work while my mom and I wrestled with the ever-growing guest list. We�d be fine if none of the Boyfriend�s family was invited.
When I got home, I found a message from the Artboy on my answering machine. I left a voicemail for him on Friday, asking him to call me when he got a chance. I don�t want him to hear that I�m getting married from someone who will tell him in such a way as to cause him unhappiness and hurt. I feel like, if the tables were turned, I�d rather hear it from him than through the grapevine. His message told me he was in Canada for a couple days and would call me when he returned. Funny how we can almost sound like friends. Is that possible, for us to hit that point?
I thought about that a lot last night as I was talking to a different ex-boyfriend of mine, someone who once asked me to marry him, someone I turned down, and in the process hurt a lot. These days, to look at us, as he congratulated me on my wedding news and showed me a photo of his daughter (she looks just like him), it almost seems like we�re friends. I wish we were. I wish I didn�t instead have the feeling he�d never forgive me for not choosing him.
Truthfully, if I had to say which one of the men I�ve been involved with before the Boyfriend is most like, I would probably say him. The biggest problem in our relationship was that he wanted me to be ready for the next big stage in my life seven years ago. Timing may not be everything, but it sure takes the lion�s share.
I�m feeling awfully nostalgic today. Last night apparently put me in a very reflective mood. On top of which, I passed this address on to another friend today, someone who has asked me specifically to keep these pages free of him. But I wanted to let you know I�m glad you took the address. I do better on �paper� than I do out loud a lot of times, and it�s good to have you inside my head.
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