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We had our administrative support staff holiday lunch today. It was potluck. We all brought something to contribute and share, and a gift for someone else on the staff. We drew names last week.
As we were sitting around the room, waiting for everyone to arrive so we could start, my friend Nancy came and joined me in a far corner chair. �Jennifer, I�m worried about you. Every time I�ve seen you lately, you just seem so�depressed. Not like you. Is everything okay?�
I had to laugh. Apparently, the people around me pay attention to me more than I realized.
I�m still feeling awfully strung out. Part of it is physical. My voice has been wavering all day, considering just going away. My eyes are glassy and wet, my ears feel hot inside.
Our party on Saturday night was wonderful, but it wiped me out. I was toast all day yesterday�hardly left the couch. We went to Chau Chow for dim sum at about 11, but other than that, I spent the entire day flipping between bad holiday movies and old SNL reruns.
This morning, I took the second test, as I was now only the day before my period is due, well within the three-day accuracy time span First Response offers up. Still negative. The single pink line is still my friend. Long live the single pink line. This is very good news. Although, I have to say, the severe hormonal shift I�ve now identified as being a monster case of PMS makes me wary of the arrival of my period this month. But it�s better�a thousand times better�than no period at all. I�d really, really like to have a baby. I�d really, really like to have the Boyfriend�s baby. But not on the same timeline as the wedding, thanks.
Anyway�
In other news, I�ve been so me-me-me oriented this past week, that I haven�t even mentioned my mom at all.
I know that I�ve written before about my mom�s MS. She was diagnosed in the summer of 1996, and has been extraordinarily lucky, with minimal episodic symptoms. She hasn�t had any kind of drug treatment since she was first diagnosed, when her doctor put her on prednisone and she had such mood swings that she swore she�d never take it again.
Well�
She�s been having another episode. For anyone unfamiliar with MS, the most common form of the disease involves periods where you are essentially symptom-free, alternating with periods of dizziness, numbness in your extremities and other unpleasant physical manifestations. This has been the worst episode she�s had since she was first diagnosed. In fact, she finally told me that for the past couple weeks, she pretty much hasn�t been able to feel her feet.
It got bad enough that she actually willingly went to see her doctor. He sent her for an MRI last week to check for spinal cord damage. It came back negative, which is good because it means that she hasn�t damaged her spine, but bad because it means her MS is progressing.
She started IV prednisone therapy again this morning. She�ll go every day this week for a two to three hour session of intravenous treatment. It makes her puffy and moody and spacey and sick. But it will mean she�ll be able to feel her feet again, so I guess it�s a good thing.
And I remind myself that it could be much, much worse.
But I know it must be bad, for her to have gone to her doctor in the first place, and to have changed her mind about the no-drug policy she�d set up for herself.
So, yeah, Nancy�I�ve got a lot of things on my mind.
I�ve got more to say, but it�s late, and I really just want to go home�
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