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It wasn�t until I woke up this morning that I realized yesterday was the five year anniversary of the day I found out I was pregnant. This explains so many things about my mood yesterday.
I melted down toward the end of the day at work. The whole car thing had driven me over the edge. Ann, who is in over-mom-mode now that her daughter is away for the summer, finally just called AAA and signed me up. They gave me a temporary membership number and I called them after training last night to come unlock the car door. The guy who answered the call opened the door in about 45 seconds flat. Makes me wonder why I bother to lock the doors at all.
I was so preoccupied yesterday that I didn�t even mention the other good parts of my weekend. Friday night, we went to the Athena party. The Boyfriend managed to refrain from sticking any sex toys to his forehead, which was good, because I might have been too tired to have a sense of humor about it this time around. And no, I won�t tell you what, if anything, we bought.
Saturday, Carla and I ventured out to Springfield to �2001�A Stamp Odyssey� at the Big E fairgrounds. I�d never been to a rubber stamp convention before. It pretty much looked like I�d expected, though. I bought way, way, way too much stuff, but we had such a good time. And yes, Kathy, I meant what I said�I did bring something home for you. I haven�t mailed it yet (it was locked in the car yesterday!), but I�ll get it out to you this weekend.
Coming home, Carla and I talked wedding stuff in the car. Despite the fact that the Boyfriend and I are only unofficially planning still (although we may have a date as of Saturday, which makes me question how �unofficial� it can continue to be), I asked her if she�d stand up with me as my maid of honor. My timing probably wasn�t great, since she was driving on the Mass Pike at the time, but she managed to both accept and drive us to safety, both of which I was very pleased about. Long term, I�m happier about the MoH part, but short-term, the driving part was good, too.
I�m letting myself plan in baby steps right now. As much as I thought my mom�s meltdown was unnecessary, I can understand her reservations about the order we�ve chosen to do things in. I don�t want to do too much, since I can�t really announce anything yet, but at the same time, I�ve got all this stuff crammed in my head. Yesterday while I was on hold, I browsed through wedding dress styles online. I registered with The Knot, although I at least left the wedding date part blank. I let myself be really stereotypically girly for about 20 minutes. And then I felt bad, like I shouldn�t be doing this yet.
The Boyfriend is no help. He made a comment the other night about how setting a date when things weren�t �Official� official was one thing, but that starting to plan in earnest is another. Then in the same breath, he started talking about whom he�ll ask to be ushers and asked me a question about what I plan to move into the condo. Sunday, as I was leaving the apartment, he handed me the �Wedding Guide� out of the Globe and told me it was to read while my mom and I were having tea on the porch.
Neither of us has a clue about what we�re doing. It�s somewhat funny.
I talked to him when I got home from training last night. He�d called the AAA travel agent earlier in the evening and booked our trip to Disney. We�re heading to Florida in September. He�s so excited now, two and a half months before we go, that I can�t imagine how he�ll be in August. I felt bad that I didn�t seem more enthused when I was talking to him, but between the car thing and having spent the night talking about counseling rape victims, I was a little wiped out.
We spent the Monday session learning about effective counseling techniques. I left the meeting feeling much more certain that I made the right choice in not entering the hotline program. At this point, it�s just too hard for me. Even the role-play was difficult. Luckily, the two people I worked with were understanding about that and let me do as much or as little as I felt I could contribute.
I dreamed the other night that I was at some kind of discussion group with Melissa�s sister. At some point during the conversation, I talked about training at BARCC. Jodi got up and left the table, disgusted with me. It was a very strange dream. I don�t know if doing the training, being where she went before me, is re-raising my issues with the whole Melissa�s mom/bad friend thing? I thought I was okay with that.
I hate to think that someone would see something less than pure and honorable in my intentions here. I also don�t know quite why it matters to me what anyone else thinks about my doing this.
The mind is a very complex place. I don�t begin to pretend to understand what goes on up there.
Much easier to just browse through wedding dresses.
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