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So a very merry post-Christmas to you. I feel like I�ve been away from my journal for a long, long time. Four days can be forever, depending on what four days you choose, I suppose. It hasn�t been that eventful, which I suppose is a good thing. My Christmas holiday was full of good cheer and all that. I got to see my cousins, who aren�t very often, and my friend Brian (DJ Brian), who only lives an hour and a half away, but it�s just far enough that our visits are far too few. My Nana came down to my mom�s house on Sunday and pulled through Christmas Eve dinner, although I know it was hard for her. She�s feeling really terrible�lymphoma is an awful, awful thing.
Now, my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad Christmas Story�
I�m feeling very guilty today, actually. Christmas day, my mom and I drove Nana back to her house and spent the afternoon and evening with her and my other cousins and uncle. The Boyfriend came up later in the evening so we could exchange our gifts (he bought me a feather bed for my bed! I can�t wait to sleep on it!), and then crashed on Nana�s couch, as it was a long ride home, and he didn�t really want to do it alone.
I had originally planned to come to work late yesterday. Then I decided to take the whole day�I was going to go home with mom, get my car inspected and then head back to my house. Then I was hoping to spend last evening with the Boyfriend�our alone time has been nonexistent lately, and we really kind-of needed it. Since he stayed at Nana�s overnight, my plan changed so I would just head out with him. Apparently, I failed to mention this to my mom (I though I had told her. She says I didn�t. Whatever). Yesterday morning, she planned to take Nana to her radiation session. She asked if I would let Linda, the housekeeper, in (through senior services, Nana has a woman who comes once a weed to vacuum and clean the bathrooms). No problem. Linda was supposed to come at 1:00. Mom figured she and Nana would be back by then, but she wanted to be sure. They left. We stayed. Linda arrived at 12:30. No Mom, no Nana. 1:00 came and went. Still no Mom, no Nana. 1:30, my cousin Diana and her mother-in-law stopped over. 2:00, they left to go to the movies. Still just the Boyfriend, Linda and me in the house. 2:30, I signed Linda�s form and she left. At 2:45, as I was putting on my coat and leaving a note, Mom and Nana pulled in.
After the radiation, Nana met with her doctor, and then asked Mom if they could go visit my Aunt Mary (my grandfather�s sister). At my Aunt Mary�s house, Nana broke down. She cried. She told them she didn�t think the radiation was working, and that she was going to die. My mom cried. I guess it was a pretty awful scene.
I didn�t know any of that. I just knew that suddenly, it was pushing 3:00 and my mom was coming into the house carrying packages like they�d stopped a the store. I was less than gracious. I kvetched at my mom about the fact that it was now too late for me to get my car inspected. She offered to take it for me today, even though it meant she�d need to add transmission fluid to it and front me the $29 for the sticker. I bitched about my missing glove, which I was certain was in her bag. She offered me the ones I�d given her for Christmas. Basically, I behaved like a brat. She said, "I�m doing everything I can think of to help you here, but you don�t seem to want to be helped," and walked out of the room. I followed her, and said, you know, Mom, thank you. I just�I�m hungry and delayed, and the Boyfriend wants to go�" She cut in. "Why don�t we all sit down and have something to eat together, then you guys can go." I missed my opportunity to stop being such a bitch by snapping back. "No, we�re just going to go."
She looked so hurt, I immediately felt terrible. She walked away, wouldn�t even meet my eye to say goodbye. I followed her to the kitchen, tried to help her pull together lunch for my grandmother, who was "napping" on the couch. Mom and I spoke a few tense words, and I jokingly said, "Okay, now, stop being mad at me�" She burst into tears. "I�m not mad at you, Jennifer. You�re having a bad day? Well, Nana�s having a bad life." Then she told me about their visit to my aunt�s house.
What could I do? I offered to send the Boyfriend home alone and stay with her. She said no. I told her I was going to anyway. She yelled at me to leave. She cried some more. I hugged her. She was stone in my arms.
She handed me an English muffin to bring in to Nana, said she�d be along in a minute, she just needed to pull herself together. I brought the muffin in and sat for a minute. Nana hugged me and thanked me for making her Christmas a merry one. She told me quite confidentially that I�m her favorite grandchild and kissed me. Then I got up to leave, wishing I could be anyone but me right then.
My mom, successful at gathering herself together, kissed me, hugged the Boyfriend and wished us well. We went out the door. I cried the whole way home.
So much for merry merry�
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