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So something very strange happened today, diary-wise. I�ve installed this funky new tool at the bottom of the page, the Site Meter, which gives all sorts of information about the people reading my diary entries, including the places they�re coming in to the site from, and the name of their "domain". I saw something in there yesterday that made me wonder if HSBF Scott had found the diary. I�d mentioned to him at Thanksgiving that I was keeping one, and he�d made a joke about seeking it out, but I hadn�t really thought about it since then.
I emailed him and asked, flat out, if he was reading it. He said no, that he�d done a search but given up quickly, and had dropped it at that, thinking that since I didn�t have my real name attached to it, it would be next-to-impossible to find.
I wrote him back and told him a couple things that made finding it easy, should he choose to look. I guess I really sent him here, if you want to look at it that way. He�s smart enough that he followed the hints, and a little while later, I looked on the Site Meter and saw what was unquestionably him, systematically reading through all of my entries.
I�m sure that if I�d thought he�d end up reading the entries, I would have written them differently, censored what I put in, protected him and myself. As it is, he ended up reading some things I may not have ever told him, both good and bad, about myself-in-relation-to-him.
Now that he�s here, though, I�m okay with his getting here. Scott has always been on my list of biggest cheerleaders, even when things between us have been�well�questionable at best. I�ve missed his being here. He�d been such a huge part of my life for so long. It�s nice to know he�ll know what�s going on in my life these days, too.
I�ve thought about whether knowing he�s reading it will change the way I write here. I�m going to say no. Because, first and foremost, this site is for me, and I�m not forcing anyone else to read it. It�s like a "skate at your own risk" thing.
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FINALLY, it�s time to go home. The Boyfriend has promised we can rent a movie and stay in tonight. I�ve dragged myself through my day. Going to bring my sorry ass home, put on some comfy clothes and hit the couch. Mmm�Gotta love Friday nights.
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