Sponsor me in the 2005 MS Walk! Why? Read here.
To the person who read systematically through over 30 of my entries today,
Please, say hello.
Love,
Jenistar
*****
My mom called me tonight to talk about the car. The Supermetro is still in Beverly. So's the Nanamobile. I've effectively got two cars and no car. It's an interesting position to be in. Chris offered to take me up there to pick up one of them. I declined. I'm just not ready to go back to the house, especially if there won't be anyone home.
I've never gone to my grandparents' house and had it be empty. Not once. Not in thirty years.
*****
I'm supposed to be packing right now. The Boyfriend and I are going to Maine this weekend. He and five of his friends are planning to snowmobile to Canada. I'd rather stand outside naked for eight hours than spend that same amount of time on a snowmobile.
I've offered to stay behind and make sure there's something hot for everyone to eat when they arrive home again. That means I get to spend most of the day in the house we've rented by myself. The Boyfriend is all worried that I'll be bored. I can't seem to make him understand that eight hours to myself is a gift. I just wish I could bring the iMac. No phone in the house, though, which means I couldn't update my journal regardless. Oh well. I'm hoping to get some writing done. Perhaps, if I like what I write, I'll share.
*****
Yesterday afternoon, I got an email from one of the radio stations in Boston offering me two tickets to a screening of Pollack tonight at the Kendall. Jackson Pollack is one of the Artboy's favorite artists. It's because of the Artboy that I even know who he is, let alone that I have the ability to recognize his work.
The movie looks interesting. I'd like to see it. But it was weird--if I'd gone with anyone but the Artboy, I'd have spent the entire night thinking that he should see the movie.
In a moment of questionable judgement, I called and left a message on his cellphone inviting him to the movie. He usually has to work on Wednesday nights, but I know he sets his own hours, so I gave him first refusal on the ticket. I also told him, though, that if he didn't want to go, he should let me know ASAP so I could find something else to do with it.
At 1:00 today, my phone rang. The Artboy, returning my call. He told me he'd love to see the movie, but he couldn't go tonight. I lied and told him I'd already found someone else to go with. He said, "why?" I said, "It's 1:00. The movie is tonight. What did you expect?"
I know what he expected. He figured if he could go, I'd drop everything else to go with him.
Truthfully, I'm glad he said no. By the time I got home from work yesterday, I didn't want to go anyway.
We chatted for a little while about who knows what. He apologized again for not having time to "do lunch," and wanted to be sure I didn't think he was avoiding me. My response was another, "whatever, Artboy." (and yes, I do call him Artboy to his face now) He said, "you're mad at me."
Funny, I'm really not. The truth is that I know how he operates. He made noise about how busy he is, and how he can't say no when people ask him for stuff. Truth is, he finds time for what's important. And having lunch with me is no longer important. Which is fine. The days where being at the bottom of his priority list bothered me are gone.
I've put effort into trying to preserve some semblance of a relationship with him because it's been important to me to not cut off the attempt. Funny how after all this time, I just don't get that it's not important to him.
The funniest part, though, is how little it bothers me. Really. I'm not saying that to try to convince myself. It all just serves to remind me in black and white how glad I am that I'm not slave to that any more. The past week has just shown me so clearly why I walked away, despite the feelings I was carrying around.
And look--not only do I have to be where the NGF is any more, I get the bonus package, the good stuff, the things everyone wants.
All of a sudden, I'm where I've wanted to be my whole life.
And it feels awfully good.
Pleasant dreams, D-land :)
---------------------------------------------
Something to say about this entry?
Add your comments here (0 people have spoken already)
< More than you may want to know about me | Lock the door on the way out, would you? >
