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I can�t believe it�s almost 4:00! Today has flown by. Of course, I�ve actually been working, which has probably helped.
I�ve been having some motivational issues around here lately. Well, truthfully, it�s been more than just "lately." They actually started somewhere in the fall. I�ve just had trouble making myself focus on much of anything. I know it�s more than job-related, but this is the place it becomes most noticeable.
I guess that�s part of why I�m looking so forward to spending some time this weekend alone in a place where I have nothing else I have to do, other than get dinner ready for the snowmobilers, which will be fun, as I�ve planned a menu of things I like to cook. There�s no phone in the place we�re staying. No TV. No work. No mall. No other people for a good stretch of the day. There are other cabins in the area, and a lodge of some sort, but none of the people in them are going to come bother me.
I�m bringing my radio and some of my quieter CD�s, my paper journal, my book on meditation, a couple candles, a "waving not drowning" bath ballistic I got in the mail from a friend (thanks, Sbeet!)�just in case there�s a bathtub. I have no plan, except to spend some very quiet time with myself.
My hope is that it will give me a chance to get back in touch with whatever part of myself that�s ailing, that�s making it difficult for me to concentrate, that needs a little "special attention."
I wish, actually, that I was going to be there for longer than a day without other people.
I used to spend a lot of time alone. Growing up as an only child helped that. I grew to rely on it, actually. Then, when I moved out of home and essentially in with the Artboy, I lost all my alone time. For almost three years, I had almost none. Now, I only get it in snatches.
There are people I know who would go insane at the thought of an afternoon "trapped" in a place like where I�m going to be. People who need to always be doing something. People who don�t know how to just�be. I�m sorry for them. I�m sorry I lost that opportunity for a long time. I�m glad I�m getting it back, little by little.
I think it�s hard when you�re in a serious relationship with someone to protect that personal space, even harder once you have children to contend with. Every man I�ve ever dated has seen my need to be occasionally alone as a comment on his abilities as a mate. The Boyfriend is learning, mostly by trial and error, that I�m a better girlfriend when I have some time to myself.
Tonight, I�m going home from work to pack, then the Boyfriend and I are going to my mom�s and the grocery store before we head back to his house. My mom�s best friend is coming down for a couple days to visit her. Judy and her husband moved to NY over a year ago, and it�s been so hard for my mom. Judy�s coming today despite the fact that it�s a seven hour drive, and despite the fact that she can only stay until Saturday morning, and despite the fact that she has to travel with a one-year-old (her foster child�a story for another day, maybe). She needs to see my mom, to be sure that she�s okay. I can appreciate that.
We�re going to celebrate Christmas tonight. Nice when you can stretch it out, I guess.
Have yourself a merry one, Diaryland.
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