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Man, Fridays are long in here. I can�t believe I spent four and a half hours of my day sitting in the same chair in our conference room, taking notes on the completely inconsequential conversation happening around me. My butt is now shaped like that chair. It might be irreparable.
But, hey, TGIF. And I really am glad it�s Friday.
The Boyfriend�s dysfunctional friend Kyle is supposed to come and visit this weekend, but he called a couple hours ago to say it�s snowing where he is (he lives in Maine), and if it doesn�t let up by 4, he�s not coming. This would be fine, probably. The Boyfriend always gets weird when Kyle comes to visit. I wouldn�t really be sad if he cancelled.
Tomorrow, I�m going to the dentist and then to get my hair cut for the first time since last May. Words cannot express how badly I need a haircut.
Tomorrow night, the Boyfriend and I are going to the first opening in the Artboy�s new gallery. Yes, you read right. The Artboy invited us. The Boyfriend said yes. So here we go.
And I have very mixed feelings about this. Which means it�s probably a bad idea, but I�m doing it anyway. It�s sort of like walking right into the lion�s den with a big steak hanging around your neck, inviting trouble and all that. But�I really want to go. It�s a chance to see some friends I haven�t seen in ages, some of whom live out of state and are coming home just for this. I�m on this new found �let�s get out of the house and do stuff� kick. And the openings are fun, when I can go for a short time and not have to play hostess. That�s the NGF�s job now.
Traveling home the other night, slightly drunk on lambic, I was in a deep thought mood. I was thinking about the opening, and about the Artboy, and about why I still seek to make him a part of my life. A few indisputable truths came to the surface.
One: I still love the Artboy, in some fashion. He opened up a part of me I didn�t know was there, and I don�t think he�ll ever be completely gone out of my heart. It�s like having chickenpox. Once you�ve had it, it always shows up in your blood.
Two: The Artboy and I were a terrible couple. Loving each other wasn�t good enough. We made each other crazy. And there was never a cure for that. Nor do I think there would ever be. We don�t belong together. And I do truly believe that.
Three: Despite that, there�s a piece of me that�s angry, some irrational part that feels cheated, like the NGF is reaping the benefits of all the work I put into our relationship. I grow the fruit, she gets the smoothie. Somehow, that doesn�t seem fair. Or, at least it didn�t while I was drunk the other night.
Four: Aside from the angry part, the rest of me is happy to discover that letting go of the Artboy as a boyfriend didn�t mean never talking to him again. As much as we were a terrible match, I still like the boy.
Five: As much as I loved the Artboy like no one else in my life, so do I love the Boyfriend uniquely as well. Being with him brings out the nice person in me. He�s my friend�I enjoy his company, and have a good time just with him, and never run out of things to say, and managed to spend 18 hours in the car with him and still liked him when we got home. He�s nice to me, and although it took me a while to get used to that (and to trust it), I like that. It�s good to not walk on eggshells.
For a long time, I acquainted uneasiness with love. It�s a bad match. You can be comfortable with someone without growing stagnant. That�s something I�ve learned from being with the Boyfriend. I no longer need that edginess to feel like it�s real.
So Saturday night will be interesting. Did I mention that I think Kyle is coming to the opening, too? Even more interesting.
Sunday, I�m going to look at houses with the Boyfriend.
I�m not thinking too hard about that part yet. It will completely send me over the edge if I do.
Oh, and can I mention, too, that I have a Poison song stuck in my head today? "Every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn. Every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.."
Man, I've got to go home!
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