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Carla told me that she was concerned, a little bit, that I am, in part anyway, with the Boyfriend not because of who he is, but because he isn't the Artboy. This is something I've thought about a lot myself, over the past few months. I think that in the beginning, that was part of it, but that that part has disappeared. I've grown into a different place with him, a place where I apparently buy lingerie just because I think he'll like it. I explained it to her with the following analogy:
It's like the pancakes on the Centre Street Cafe brunch menu. Those pancakes were my favorite thing on the menu. I raved about them, brought people in there and pushed the pancakes on them, dreamed about them at night (big, fruit-filled dreams!).
The first time we went in there after my gallbladder surgery, I ordered myself a big plate of pancakes. Twenty minutes later, I was doubled over with stomach cramps. Twenty minutes after that, they were completely out of my system, along with anything else I may have eaten in the past day.
I thought it was just coincidence. A few weeks later, I tried again. Pancakes for breakfast. Same unhappy stomach distress story.
Sad truth was I can't eat the pancakes there any more. At least not without becoming disfunctional and feeling bad.
At first, I felt crappy about that. I didn't want to go to Centre Street. When I did go, I got mad if someone else ate the pancakes in front of me. I was bitter! This is not an exaggeration for the point of the story. I really was!
Then I tried the waffles. Just as yummy, although they taste different, and they don't make me run for the bathroom, hating my life!
It's not that I don't still like the pancakes. But I know I can't eat them. So I found something else on the menu that satisfies my brunch cravings.
The Artboy is like the Centre Street pancakes. I could've kept him as part of my life, but he made me disfunctional and left me feeling bad.
The Boyfriend is like the waffles. If I hadn't gone to Centre Street and had the pancakes, loved the pancakes, and then lost the pancakes, I would never have tried the waffles. And probably, at first, I ate them just because I couldn't eat the pancakes, but they're yummy in their own right!
It's a huge oversimplification, I know, but the general point is in there.
I love the Artboy, but I know we don't belong together. Been there, suffered through that. It wasn't good for me.
However, if I hadn't had him in my life, I probably wouldn't have the Boyfriend now. I met him because of people I know because of the Artboy. And I learned enough about who I am and what I want from being with the Artboy that I was (eventually) ready for the Boyfriend to be who he is in my life.
It's taken me a long time to be sure I wasn't substituting one for the other, at least a little bit. Or maybe, it's taken me a long time to STOP substituting one for the other, at least a little bit.
At the opening, the Boyfriend made a comment about the Artboy and NGF looking like they belonged together. It made me stop and think hard about who I was back then, in the days where the Artboy and I were a couple (and we never looked like we matched). I like who I am now a lot better. Even if this Jennifer buys lingere for someone else (Well, okay, so maybe that's not such a bad thing after all!).
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