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Conplete non-sequitor before I begin my actual entry: in an email I received today from something called �Intelligent Mailbox�: Bad girl Britney goes Dirty Dancing! Look Below! I didn�t look.
My head is an odd conglomeration of things today.
In one corner, we have the bask-in-the-glow-of-a-really-wonderful-Sunday feeling. My aunt and cousin really outdid themselves yesterday. The shower was amazing. The house looked beautiful, the food was delicious, the turnout was great and the people wonderful to see, and the presents were overwhelming. We could turn my mom�s living room into a small gift shop right now. At one point, I looked into the living room and thought, �Ohmigod�all of these people are here because I�M GETTING MARRIED!� The thought was followed by half a second of terror, half a second of extreme self-consciousness and then a wave of exhilaration. Once I got past the �everyone is going to sit and watch me open gifts� thing.
Of course, the majority of them were gifts we�d chosen ourselves, so I don�t suppose there was much danger we�d hate them. Which meant there wasn�t much danger in everyone watching us open them. And not that I usually have issue with being the center of attention. It was just a LOT of gifts!
But as I said, it was a wonderful day. I feel extremely well-loved and overly spoiled. Which, I suppose, is how a bride should feel after her shower. So this is a good thing.
In another mental corner, I am all consumed about Diary Survivor 3. I haven�t said much about it in here lately, coming from the �people who want to know will follow the contest� school of thought. But I won immunity in our last challenge, and part of me really thinks it saved my DS3 butt. Things are getting curiouser and curiouser over in that neck of the woods. If you want to know more about how I�m feeling on the subject, you can go read the contestant blog. Also of interest might be the judges� blog.
Let me say on this subject, by the way, that I have really enjoyed being a part of the contest, and getting to know the other players, and the judges, too. It�s been a lot of fun. And I�m glad I�ve had the chance to play. So�thanks again, Meg! I didn�t think I�d make it this far, but I�m glad I did.
Anyway�
In the darker mental corner, I am thinking about David.
Today is David�s birthday.
Tonight, I�m headed back to my mom�s for dinner with her, Kristy and Dave. We decided that none of us should spend tonight alone. So although there will be no presents and no cake, we�ll still be celebrating him in our own way.
Even typing that out made me teary.
I still can�t believe he�s gone.
When we got home from the shower yesterday, it seemed absolutely unbelievable that he wouldn�t be sitting in the living room, watching basketball on TV and waiting to hear the lowdown on the day. That he wouldn�t be waiting to see what goodies we brought home. That I wouldn�t hear him say, �Hello Jennifore.�
My mom went to a wedding on Saturday, for the son of an old friend. She�d spent the afternoon cleaning out David�s bureau, and the bed was still covered with much of his stuff. I cleaned it all off and then fell asleep on top of her spread. I was afraid she�d come home and be so overwhelmingly lonesome. I didn�t want her to have to come in to her bedroom and feel how empty it was without him.
Not that I can make that go away.
It�s amazing what a huge hole one person can leave behind when they go.
It�s astonishing how much I miss him.
It�s so not fair that he�s gone.
Happy birthday, Schnopper.
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