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Not sure how it got to be Monday afternoon. What a busy, busy day.
I crashed hard over the past couple days. Not that I had time to stop running around, but mentally, I just stopped here. I told the Boyfriend on Saturday night that I was planning a break, entirely out of self-preservation. I�ve been running like crazy since May, and I�m tapped. My attention span is negligible, my eyes are bloodshot. I�m short-tempered and unpleasant with almost everyone I see. None of these things are good.
He kept saying to me, �But you got a good night�s sleep last night!� I am trying to make him understand that some things can�t be fixed by one good night�s sleep. We�re talking lifestyle-changing big steps back, away from being out every night of the week, away from 5-6 hours of sleep before I get up and try to conquer another day. Everything is suffering right now�my personal relationships, my work abilities, my self-image�and I need to fix that.
So here I am, Jennifer with a new approach. Nice to meet you.
Anyway�
He and I went with my friend Jim to Jim�s dad�s house yesterday to relieve the raspberry patch of some of its berries. Yummy. I filled a whole copy paper box top with fresh berries, all of which I will use in various baking and cooking ventures over the rest of the week. Jim took a photo with his digital camera�don�t they look good?
It was a garden sort of weekend for me. I ventured out to Northwestern Massachusetts on Friday night for the Lavender Festival with my mom and our friend Gail. Came home with all sorts of lavender goodies and a renewed wish for a garden. Some day, I suppose�
I talked to the Artboy on Friday. I hadn�t heard from him since his message from the edges of Canada, telling me he�d call me back when he got home. I knew he was back, as I�ve seen his truck around my neighborhood (he works not far from my house), but I figured I�d wait and see if he called me again. Friday morning, I got an email message from him, apologizing for not getting in touch sooner and confessing that he�d somehow deleted my earlier voicemail message and that he couldn�t remember my phone number, so could I call him again.
I left him a message, laughing, giving him work and home. He called my desk an hour later from his cell phone, cheerful, friendly and talkative. He told me that everything was going well, with the exception of some relationship troubles he and the NGF are having, but that they�re working through it. He joked, �I�d say we could have lunch today, but I�m supposed to meet her for lunch, and no offense, but that�s a little more important to me right now!� I took no offense.
He�s working just one job this summer, so his schedule�s a little freer these days. We�re going to get together this week. I told him I had some news I wanted to share with him. Didn�t want to do it on the phone, especially not while he was driving around. Not that I think my telling him I�m getting married is going to break him, but still�I�d rather share in person.
The Boyfriend spent most of last week painting the new condo. He had to do the kitchen and living room twice. The first time, he used paint his friend�s dad had given him that was way too green once he got it on the walls. The second time, he used a very basic off-white, though it took two coats to cover the awful green paint. He has trouble sometimes separating �free� from �good� and understanding that just because something is one, it�s not automatically the other.
Part of me thinks it would just be easier to move now, to say, �Screw what I promised Nana and what I believe in for myself!� and just pack my stuff and head south. That�s the part of me that had to drive home at 10:30 last night because I had no clean underwear or shoes to wear to work today if I stayed there. It would just be so much simpler if we lived together.
But like I�ve said before, I think it�s important to save something for after we�re married, and I like the thought of moving in as his wife, not as his girlfriend. Plus, I would never break that promise I made to Nana. So for the next 13 months, I deal with the occasional complications.
We had a big wedding conversation yesterday. He was asking me what all of the big costs should be and what to expect to pay for them. I�m not sure which surprises me more�his lack of knowledge about this stuff or my huge base of knowledge on the same subjects. I haven�t been a bridesmaid THAT many times! Sometimes, I�m still floored by the fact that I�m really getting married, that these plans are ones I�m making for myself. The realization makes me silly. Like my mom would say, it makes me behave like such a girl!
My first BARCC public ed meeting is tonight. I�m looking forward to getting started. Still playing with the idea of planning a benefit for BARCC in Melissa�s memory. I�ve gotten good feedback so far. �Cause I really need another project!
Oh�wait�this is the new, improved, less overextended Jennifer. I forgot already!
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