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Thanks, Kathy, for kicking me in the ass about not posting up here. I miss my daily sessions with the white box. I'm just so undisciplined right now, it's scary.
Not just undisciplined. Sick, and angry, and worn out-feeling and a bit overwhelmed. I had a long talk with Brian last night--well, actually, a long listen, because he mostly did the talking, and then he said to me, "so say something wise, woman, something Jennifer-like." And I was fresh out.
Overran my therapy time allotment tonight, talking to Wendy about the Husband and Betsy and where I stand with it all. Managed to come to the conclusion that she�s a lost cause for me. My bigger problem right now is how angry I am with him.
Okay, so all of that was written on Wednesday night, but I stopped because he decided to come in and sit with me while I typed, which pretty much puts a damper on my typing. Of course, that moment was followed by a solid hour or so of unhappy discussion and crying and yelling. So he now knows that my biggest problem is being angry with him. And I�m amazed at how surprised he was by that. That my telling him that the hardest part was that he�d let it go this long, that even knowing how important this was to me, he�d let it sit for a full month without making something happen, because if the tables were turned, if something bothered him this much and I knew it, I would have done something about it that first weekend, regardless of how difficult it was for me to coordinate, because I wouldn�t want him to feel this bad for this long.
He was amazed that I didn�t realize how much it bothered him that all this was going on. I asked him how I would know that, since he never, ever mentions it, and when I bring it up, all he says is �she knows it�s important, but she�s really busy right now.� He pondered out loud that he forgets I can�t read his mind. I think he was trying to make me laugh. It didn�t work.
The conversation ended on as positive a note as it could, but it�s not over yet. We still have some things we need to discuss about it, but like most of our conversations on the subject, this one left me feeling so strung out that the rest will have to wait until I�ve built some energy back up. Not an easy thing these days, since I have the eternal Betsy cold/flu. You know, the one where she�s stressed me out so much that my resistance is null and I�ve been borderline sick for weeks? Yeah, that one.
Grr. Arrgh.
On a different note, the Indecisive Valentine Mix:
Ex-Girlfriend/No Doubt
Baby�s Got Sauce/G Love and Special Sauce
All I Want is You/U2
Blue Moon Revisited/Cowboy Junkies
Pictures of You/The Cure
Bringing on the Heartbreak/Def Leppard
Honestly OK/Dido
If You Want Me to Stay/Red Hot Chili Peppers
Bread and Butter/Devo
Slave to Love/Bryan Ferry
Sweet Jane/Cowboy Junkies
The Other Side/David Gray
This Love/Maroon 5
What About Love/�Til Tuesday
Why Can�t I Fall in Love/Ivan Neville
You�re the One/Tracy Chapman
Somebody/Depeche Mode
Scene of the Crime/Amazing Royal Crowns
I Hope that Something Better Comes Along/Kermit and Rolf
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