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The Chinese food from the place across the street always seems like such a good lunch idea. Then, of course, I get it back to my desk, all 12 pounds of it, and wonder, �WHO thought this was a good plan?� A quarter of the way through the rice, I�m full. Will I ever learn???
Oh, that, and I now have a piece of boneless spare rib stuck in my teeth. I�m going to have to risk flossing at my desk again.
I should probably note, by the way, for those of you who went and looked at the Artboys� band website, they don�t play in makeup any more. The whole �flesh-eating zombies from outer space� thing has fallen by the wayside. Which is good. They don�t need it. The band is better than that.
I was telling Carla yesterday how weird all of that is for me. They just finished recording their first CD and are shopping it around to a couple different record labels. They�ve had some positive response, and one label wants to talk to them about making a video for M2.
The Artboy is on his way, if not to being a Rock Star, then at least to being a rock star. And eventually, I�m going to turn on my TV and see him there, prancing around on screen, doing his Artboy thing. And people across the world will look at him there, and some of them will lust after the drummer (there are always people who lust after the drummer. It�s a fact of band life, one I came to terms with long ago), and I will be watching him at the same time, not lusting after him, but thinking, �That man was my life. I have seen him naked. On many occasions. I sat up all night after a particularly hard evening of drinking to make sure he didn�t choke on his own vomit. I went to his parents� 25th wedding anniversary, his grandfather�s funeral, his sister�s graduation. I helped his brother pick up girls at parties. I made him dinner, did his laundry, kept him from being late for work. We created a child together, then chose together not to have it, and he sat at my side in a cold, sterile room while I waited to act on that choice. He asked me to marry him, and when I said no, he undauntedly asked again. And again. That man was my life.�
That�s so very, very weird to me.
It�s all been on my mind these past few days, this week being what was our anniversary. But thinking about it all doesn�t mean I�m wishful or wistful, or sorry that I�m not at the edge of the stage, saying, �Yep�the drummer�that�s my boyfriend!�
The tradeoff isn�t worth it.
We made each other crazy. We brought out the worst in each other. My life bored him to tears and his made my head spin.
And having the Artboy would mean not having the Boyfriend. And you just try to take him away. Just not going to happen.
Not even when he chews with his mouth open. Not even when he continually confuses the words we�re and where.
I would lose way, way, way too much.
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