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I have actually had a (mostly) productive day.
Donna was out. That really seems to help.
Not that I don�t like Donna. Generally, I really do. But when she�s here, she gives me more work. And she asks me questions about work she�s already given me. All of which takes time away from my actually doing the work I have.
I even did a couple things today that I�ve been�well�avoiding. Putting off. Leaving in the file on the edge of my desk where I can�t see them every minute of the day and pretending they aren�t there.
No more.
I am Good Jennifer today. I am Tie Up Loose Ends Jennifer.
At least, that�s what I keep telling myself.
I didn�t get everything finished.
Thanks to all of you who emailed me, signed my guestbook and sent me comments about my last entry. You survivors, both on and off the island at this point, are a pretty cool group, and I�m honored to share my tent and rations with y�all�I�m doing okay. I�m sad, but it�s sad for me, and sad for PJ, and sad at the reality of death.
After Muriel was diagnosed the second time and managed to beat the cancer again, she took the living-on-borrowed-time attitude. She figured that the time she got then was a gift, and she should use it as such. And she really followed through on that. When she was diagnosed again, and the doctors told her that this time the breast cancer had brought along liver mets and lung mets and bone mets and brain mets, she wasn�t in the �but I haven�t done/seen/experienced/said all of these things� position. She died feeling like she�d done what she wanted to do. Not that she was happy about dying. But she felt less cheated than she would have otherwise.
Dying, I told Miss Throckmorton today, is the price we pay for living. It seems a fair trade. At least most of the time.
So tomorrow night, Mom and I will go to the wake, and I will hug my cousin tightly and tell him that I love him. And then I will come home and cry. But Thursday, I�ll get out of bed and do my best to make it a worthwhile day.
How philosophical I sound. I guess that�s what all this death does to me. If I start sounding too William the Bloody, let me know, okay?
Speaking of which, it�s ANOTHER BUFFY REPEAT TONIGHT!!!
One more week, Jennifer. That�s all.
I�m okay again. It just took me a minute.
Oh, and Kathy? I really, really, really am jealous of your Buca di Beppo trip. If I ever find myself out in your area, will you take me on a Stamp Nirvana/ Buca fieldtrip?
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